Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam

Teen Friendships: How Peer Pressure Really Works—and What Parents Must Know

Worried about the impact your teen’s friends are having on them? You’re not alone—and it’s not as simple as “good” or “bad” peer pressure. In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, I sit down with peer influence expert Dr. Brett Laursen to unpack how friendships actually shape teen behavior (often for the better!) and how parents can stay influential without being controlling. Dr. Laursen, who has decades of research tracking teen friendships across multiple countries, shares surprising insights that can help you guide your teen through the tricky world of social dynamics, middle school transitions, and online influence. If you’ve ever wondered, "Am I losing my teen to their friends?" — this conversation is a must-listen.
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
Why peer pressure isn't always a bad thing and can actually drive positive behavior in teens
How to stay relevant as a parent even when friends seem to have more influence
What to do (and NOT do) if you're worried about your teen's friends
How online and real-world friendships impact vulnerable teens differently
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Friendship first, influence second: Teens choose friends who are similar to them, not the other way around.
Middle school changes everything: The shift from adult-centered to peer-centered social life demands a new parenting approach.
Stay connected, don't compete: Your teen needs a supportive parent, not a rival for attention.
Opportunities, not ultimatums: Help your teen find better friendships by fostering their interests, not forcing social changes.
Humanize yourself: Teens respect advice more when they see you as a real person, not just an authority figure.
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW?
Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫
🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌
 
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Dr. Brett Laursen
Website: https://www.fau.edu/science/psychology/laursen-lab/
Email: laursenbrett@gmail.com
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
Facebook: @DrCamCaswell
EPISODE CHAPTERS
00:00 Understanding Peer Pressure in Teens 03:01 The Dual Nature of Peer Influence 05:46 Navigating Friendships: The Parent's Dilemma 08:53 The Shift to Peer-Driven Social Structures 12:12 The Importance of Positive Relationships 15:10 Managing Friendships: When to Intervene 18:12 Supporting Kids Who Struggle to Make Friends 21:08 The Role of Online Influences 23:54 Building Trust and Communication with Teens 27:01 Humanizing Parental Relationships 29:55 Final Thoughts on Peer Influence and Parenting
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together.
#theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #teenpeerpressure #parentingteenfriendships

Grieving a Child: A Mother's Journey of Healing and Hope After Suicide Loss

When you lose a child, everything changes. In this powerful episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, we meet Kristen Schindler, a courageous mother who shares her journey through the devastating loss of her 21-year-old son, Gavin, to suicide. Kristin opens up about navigating grief while parenting her other children, how undiagnosed physical and mental health issues played a hidden role, and the steps she’s taken to find healing, hope, and purpose.
If you're a parent terrified of missing warning signs or struggling to support a grieving family, Kristen’s story reminds us that love alone can't shield our kids from life's hardest battles—and that healing, while messy, is possible. This conversation offers real tools, deep compassion, and hope for anyone touched by loss.
Kristen Schindler is a passionate advocate for suicide awareness, a mother of faith, and a living example of resilience. Through her story, she helps other parents navigate the unimaginable with grace, honesty, and strength.
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
Why even the most attentive parents can’t always predict or prevent teen suicide
How hidden physical health issues (like undiagnosed heart problems) can impact mental health
Why “grief masking” hurts more than it helps—and how to truly process loss
How to create new family traditions that honor lost loved ones and foster healing
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
You can be a great parent and still face unimaginable loss: Kristen’s story removes shame and blame from grief.
Physical health affects mental health: Undiagnosed conditions can silently worsen depression and anxiety.
Grief isn't linear or tidy: Healing doesn't follow a timeline—and that's normal.
"Grief masking" backfires: Hiding your pain for others' comfort only deepens long-term wounds.
Honoring loved ones through new traditions brings hope: Small acts of kindness can keep memories alive and help families heal together.
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW?
Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫
🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Free Space for Grace Workbook
Gavin’s Celebration of Life Tribute Watch on YouTube
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Kristen Schindler
Website: www.kristenleeschindler.com
Facebook: @kristen.schindler.3
Instagram: @all.the.things.kls
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristen-schindler-2a8b755/
YouTube: @kristenschindler9786e
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
TikTok: @the.teen.translator
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
Facebook: @DrCamCaswell
EPISODE CHAPTERS:
00:00 Navigating Grief: A Personal Journey 03:02 The Impact of Loss on Family Dynamics 06:04 Understanding Mental Health Challenges 08:58 The Role of Faith in Healing 11:59 The Complexity of Grief and Healing 15:00 Lessons Learned from Loss 18:14 The Importance of Open Communication 21:04 Finding Joy Amidst Grief 23:59 Empowering Parents in the Face of Loss 32:06 Navigating Grief and Loss 34:55 The Impact of Addiction on Families 37:04 Finding Purpose in Pain 39:54 The Importance of Community and Support 43:14 Transforming Grief into Empathy 48:00 Honoring Loved Ones Through Kindness 52:39 Lessons for Parents in Grief
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together. #theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #parentingteenswithdrcam
#grievingaparent #suicidelossawareness

Sibling Rivalry, Birth Order & Fairness Fights: What Every Parent of Teens Needs to Know

Ever feel like your kids are growing up in totally different households—even though they share the same last name and dinner table? Your oldest follows all the rules, your middle child avoids conflict like it’s their full-time job, and your youngest? Total chaos with a side of charm.
In this episode, Dr. Cam sits down with Dr. Kelly Jameson, a therapist, speaker, and expert on birth order psychology and sibling dynamics, to decode what’s really going on behind your kids’ clashing personalities—and what to do when fairness feels impossible. If you’ve ever second-guessed how you parent each child (spoiler: you're not imagining it), this episode is packed with eye-opening truths and practical solutions.
 
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
How birth order shapes your teen’s personality and behavior
Why sibling rivalry is normal—and how to handle it without picking sides
What “fair” parenting really looks like (and why it’s not the same for every child)
How to parent your firstborn, middle, and youngest without losing your mind
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Birth order isn’t just theory—it deeply influences how each child behaves, connects, and competes
Sibling rivalry often stems from a fight for limited parental attention—not bad behavior
Fairness in parenting means meeting each child where they are developmentally, not treating them identically
Older siblings shouldn’t be forced to parent younger ones—it breeds resentment, not responsibility
Creating rituals, one-on-one time, and shared experiences helps reduce tension and build sibling bonds
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW?
Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫
🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌
 
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Dr. Kelly Jameson’s Website
 
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Dr. Kelly Jameson
Website: drkellyjameson.comInstagram: @drkellyjameson
 
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.comInstagram: @DrCamCaswellYouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. CamFacebook: @DrCamCaswell
 
EPISODE CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Birth Order Dynamics06:11 Sibling Rivalry and Parental Attention08:47 Navigating Fairness in Parenting12:38 Intervening in Sibling Conflicts18:05 Supporting Siblings Through Challenges20:39 The Dynamics of Sibling Relationships24:49 Navigating Sibling Rivalry and Conflict29:36 Understanding Birth Order and Its Impact32:35 Tailoring Parenting Strategies by Birth Order39:45 Key Takeaways for Parents
 
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together.
#birthorderpsychology #siblingrivalrytips

Digital Detox Strategies That Actually Work (Even With Stubborn Teens)

Tired of fighting over screen time with your teen?  Then this episode is for you. Dr. Cam sits down with digital wellness expert Nicole Rawson, founder of Screen Time Clinic, to tackle one of today’s biggest parenting challenges: teen screen addiction. 
Nicole shares why traditional limits don’t work anymore, how to spot warning signs early, and what a real digital detox looks like (hint: it’s not just unplugging the Wi-Fi). 
If you're ready to take back control, reconnect with your teen, and restore peace in your home, don’t miss this conversation.
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
How excessive screen time rewires your teen’s brain and behavior
Why some teens are more sensitive to screen addiction than others
What actually works when a teen is addicted to their phone or gaming
How to do a digital detox with your teen instead of against them
 
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Complete digital detox is more effective than moderation for addicted teens
Structure and planning are essential for a successful screen break
Withdrawal is a red flag—not just “normal teen stuff”
Parents must model healthy digital habits to help their teens reset
Replacing screen time with meaningful, engaging activities is key to long-term success
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫
🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌
 
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Reset Your Child’s Brain by Dr. Victoria Dunckley
ScreenTimeClinic.com
Free Digital Detox Newsletter & Guide
 
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Nicole Rawson
Website: ScreenTimeClinic.com
Instagram: @screentimeclinic
 
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
TikTok: @the.teen.translator
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
Facebook: @DrCamCaswell
 
EPISODE CHAPTERS
00:00 Understanding Screen Time Concerns 03:04 The Impact of Screen Time on Teens 05:53 Identifying Sensitivity to Digital Media 08:54 Implementing Digital Detox Strategies 12:00 Navigating Resistance from Teens 15:02 Recognizing Signs of Addiction 18:12 Healthy Coping Mechanisms for Teens 26:54 The Impact of Screen Time on Family Dynamics 31:10 Understanding Teen Addiction to Screens 36:49 Building Healthy Structures for Teens 41:54 The Role of Parents in Digital Detox
 
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together.
#screentime #digitaldetox #parentingteens #theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #parentingteenswithdrcam

How to Help Your Teen Overcome Gaming Addiction: Proven Strategies

In this compelling episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, host Dr. Cam interviews Cam Adair, the founder of Game Quitters and a renowned expert in gaming addiction recovery. Drawing from his own experience as a teen who once played video games for 16 hours a day, Cam shares invaluable insights that every parent needs to hear. This episode tackles the pressing concerns parents have about their teens' gaming habits and provides practical, actionable strategies to help foster a healthy relationship with gaming. 
 
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
Understanding the spectrum of gaming addiction and how it affects teens.
Effective communication strategies to engage your teen about gaming.
Practical tips for fostering a balanced relationship with gaming.
The importance of family values in guiding discussions around gaming behavior.
 
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Recognize Gaming Disorder: Understand the criteria defined by the World Health Organization to identify gaming addiction.
Focus on Overall Functioning: Assess your teen's engagement in school, friendships, and family activities beyond just gaming hours.
Create Safe Communication Spaces: Have important conversations outside the home or away from gaming devices to ensure openness.
Educate Yourself on Games: Learn about the games your teen plays to set realistic expectations and boundaries.
Facilitate Smooth Transitions: Allow your teen time to decompress after gaming before switching to other activities.
 
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW?
Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫
🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌
 
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Game Quitters: A comprehensive resource for parents and teens dealing with gaming issues
Cam Adair's TEDx Talk
 
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Cam Adair
Instagram: @GameQuitters
Facebook: Game Quitters
LinkedIn: Cam Adair
X: @GameQuitters
YouTube: Game Quitters
 
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
TikTok: @the.teen.translator
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
Facebook: @DrCamCaswell
 
EPISODE CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Gaming Addiction03:01 The Spectrum of Gaming Behavior06:00 Identifying Healthy vs. Problematic Gaming08:58 Finding Balance in Gaming11:59 Effective Communication with Teens15:05 Navigating Power Struggles18:08 Building Family Values Around Gaming21:09 Collaborative Solutions for Gaming Limits24:09 Setting Up for Healthy Gaming Habits26:45 Transitioning from Gaming to Other Activities30:00 Handling Meltdowns Over Gaming Limits33:03 Encouraging Exploration Beyond Gaming36:00 Modeling Healthy Tech Use38:51 Resources for Parents and Final Thoughts
 
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together.
#theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #parentingteenswithdrcam #GamingAddiction #TeenParenting

The #1 Secret to Getting Your Teen Into a Top College (It’s Not GPA!)

In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, college admissions coach Dyllen Nellis reveals the secret to crafting standout college applications—authentic storytelling. Forget obsessing over GPAs—top schools want students who can articulate their core values, intellectual curiosity, and unique experiences. Dyllen shares expert strategies to help your teen write compelling essays, develop passion projects, and stand out in a competitive admissions landscape—without parental hovering.
 
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
Why authenticity matters more than perfect essays
How to help your teen find their unique story
The role of passion projects in top college applications
The right way to support your teen—without taking over
 
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Story Over Stats – Grades alone won’t get your teen into top schools. Their story and values matter more.
Authenticity Wins – Admissions officers can spot fake or forced narratives. Encourage honesty.
Passion Projects Stand Out – Schools want students who create real impact through their interests.
Curiosity is Key – Support your teen’s genuine interests instead of pushing “impressive” activities.
Guide, Don’t Hover – Give your teen space to explore, make mistakes, and develop their own voice.
 
❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW?Don’t keep it to yourself! Share this episode and leave a rating & review. Your support helps other parents find expert advice to help their teens thrive.
 
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Free Masterclass: The Top School Admissions Formula
Dyllen’s Website: NextGen Admit
 
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Dyllen Nellis
Instagram: @nextgenadmit
YouTube: Dyllen Nellis
TikTok: @nextgenadmit
LinkedIn: Dyllen Nellis
 
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
TikTok: @the.teen.translator
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Dr. Cam (00:00.942)
Hey parents, Dr. Cam here. College admissions are no joke, trust me. I'm right in the thick of it with my own teen and it is stressful. And if you're like most parents, you're probably think that the GPA and your test scores are the golden ticket to getting into the top school. But what if I told you they're not the most important things? In this episode, I'm joined by Dyllen Nellis, a college admissions coach and founder of NextGen Admin who helps students craft applications that make them stand out beyond just grades. After getting accepted to every single school she applied to, including Stanford, yes, parents, she now helps students around the world to do the same. So we're gonna talk about the number one thing that gives your teens a competitive edge. You wanna hear it? Keep listening, welcome Dylan.
 
Dyllen Nellis (00:52.595)
Thank you for having me.
 
Dr. Cam (00:54.698)
This is such a hot topic, especially now. I know right now my daughter's waiting back to hear back from school. She's hearing from schools and a lot of juniors are in that like frantic mode of, my gosh, grades, grades, grades, grades, grades, building my resume. Why are you telling us that's not the most important thing?
 
Dyllen Nellis (01:16.501)
Well, I think people are so focused on grades, especially parents, you know, when putting a lot of pressure on their kids to do well in school. That's a very normal thing. And it is important, yes, to have good grades, but they are not the thing that's going to help you stand out at a top school, especially, you know, I know a lot of people are really excited about hopefully getting into a really competitive school. That's what I help people do. And what they have to understand is that the people applying to those schools will have those top grades and top test scores. Maybe not perfect, so you don't have to be ultra perfect in terms of grades and scores. the thing is, it's not going to be like, what's the difference between you and some other kid who has the same exact score? So the stats don't show the admissions officers who you are as a person or what you're going to contribute to their university. And that's what they want to know. So what I teach students is that their superpower is their story and it's their unique core values and how they can effectively articulate them in standout, powerful college essays.
 
Dr. Cam (02:40.396)
Right? So now parents are going, okay, so how do I craft a great story for my teen? How do I make sure my teen has a great story? What do you say to that?
 
Dyllen Nellis (02:51.143)
The first thing they need to do is understand who they are. A lot of students will think, okay, what do I write my college essay about? Let me just pick the worst thing that's ever happened to me and write about that. Or the parents will force something onto them and be like, well, you did that one leadership thing that one time, right? So shouldn't you write about that? I guess. And then a lot of times there's this, like, this force in a way that you try to contrive a narrative that doesn't quite express who they really are. And so that's why I say don't don't just start writing the essay, you have to do all of this work that comes beforehand. And so that work is first really sitting down and reflecting, reflecting on who you are, what makes you unique why do you do the things that you do? I think that's the most important part. Like I will get on a call with a student and they'll tell me they're interested in a certain major. And I'm like, okay, that's awesome. Why? Why are you interested in that? And they freeze and they have no idea what to tell me. And then sometimes they'll answer with like experiences that they had or clubs that they were in or things that they did. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, I'm not asking you what you did. I'm asking you like something much deeper, like what is it about this thing that makes you so excited, that makes you intellectually curious? So those are the questions we have to start asking. And that takes a lot of reflection that I think students at that age are not used to. They're not thinking about what are my values as a person? What's my identity?
 
Dr. Cam (04:42.606)
They're trying to figure it out, they don't know yet.
 
Dyllen Nellis (04:45.873)
Exactly. And especially like, it's really cool once they start to understand this, because when they see the patterns of like, all of my experiences in my life actually line up in a way that made me the way I am today. And that's super cool. And I help them identify those patterns and what the values are that like connect all of their experiences together. And then those values become the themes or their college essay. So that's something that I don't think is talked about enough, or like rarely at all, is that college essay should have a theme. Like every single essay needs to have a different theme and that theme is whatever the core value is or whatever the main lesson or you know, how their mindset shifted, how they grew. That is what the essay needs to focus on. So not entirely about a certain challenge that they went through or a certain experience. It's more about what they learned from it because those values and skills that they gained are the things that they are going to contribute to the university. So then the university is like, oh, that's how you're going to make me look good.
 
Dr. Cam (05:58.85)
Right? I want to work backwards from this. So what you're saying is the essay and even the interviews, like my daughter has a lot of interviews, which I think is a similar thing, where they're asking her who she is, what she's passionate about, why she wants to go to that school. And the challenge that I'm seeing with a lot of the kids I work with is they don't know because a lot of them are going where they're supposed to be going and doing what they're doing because that's what they're told they should be doing. And that's what they, so they don't have an inner passion value, everything else. It's like the bottom line is cause my parents told me, right? So do you hear this? Do you see that answer?
 
Dyllen Nellis (06:31.146)
Yes, and that's honestly the hardest part, like especially if they're a senior in high school, that's when things get really hard because we're trying to like pull from nothing, or not nothing, but like there's not much there. And of course, when I work with a student, I can only work with what is actually inherently there because I care a lot about telling authentic stories. So I think this is a really good point to mention, especially for parents of students who are younger, you know, like younger in high school, freshmen, sophomore year, it's important that they're doing things that they actually care about and that lights them up. Because yeah, as we see later down the line, if they don't have that like inner motivation or passion, then it's really hard to craft stories. I actually have an anecdote of this quite recently I worked with a student, she booked a call with me and she presented me her essay and I was like, okay, cool. Let's look at it. But I could tell something was off about the essay. was about like a leadership experience. But for some reason, the story wasn't quite, it didn't seem real to me in a lot of ways. And it didn't seem like we didn't get to those deeper core values as I've been mentioning. So I started asking her about it and suddenly she starts breaking down and crying in front of me and she's like, you know, I don't know like this wasn't a good experience at all for me. Actually, I didn't learn much and my parents just told me that I should write about this and I don't know what I should do. And I was just like, my gosh, it made me so sad. Honestly, I will say I don't think that students in that case are like a lost cause.
We can revitalize it, we can fix it. And that's why it takes someone who can help them realize the amazing qualities that they do have, the amazing experiences that they have gone through. Because I don't think, you know, it's exclusive to people who've been high giving their whole life. Like, everybody has a story to tell, it just takes someone to help them realize that instead of forcing a narrative onto
 
Dr. Cam (08:58.658)
We have this belief that we want to force a narrative that makes them sound really good and really high achieving and everything else. And I'm hearing parents already going, okay, so you're telling me my kid needs to do what they're really passionate about. Well, great. They're passionate about playing on their games all day or scrolling TikTok. That's all they're passionate about. So what do I do with that?
 
Dyllen Nellis (09:27.657)
I think that's really interesting if like, instead of maybe shutting down those interests, get curious, get curious about them. So especially with the TikTok one, I'd be like, what kinds of videos are you watching on TikTok? Because I know me, I will get really interesting. I don't know, people get such neat interests on TikTok. And like I would just the other day, I was like learning about manifesting and quantum leaps or whatever and how that relates to quantum physics. Like that was coming up on my feed and I was like, that's so interesting. So I started going down a rabbit hole on that. So your kid might actually be interested in these very niche things that are coming up on their feeds. And I would get curious about that, know, ask them, have conversations, just to learn a little bit more about what's going on in their head? What are the topics that they're thinking about? What are the questions that they have in the world? I think that's a great one. Pursue the questions. What are you thinking of? What are you curious about? What problems do you care about? Our generation is a lot more interested in social issues and mental health. So lean into those things. Does your kid really care about that? All of those things can, you can find some rich insights from there.
 
Dr. Cam (10:58.124)
Right, and I'm gonna take this Dylan and just kind of re-word what I heard to make sure I got this right. I'm hearing rather than fighting with your teen going, you should not be doing this, which you love, because that's not gonna look good and that's a waste of your time. You should want to do this and be doing this because this is gonna look better and this looks like you're being more productive. But when we do that, we're now pushing kids into something that they don't want to be doing. So when they have to talk about it passionately and their interests and what they love, they're like, I don't, I had to do it. So we really want to lean in. And when we lean in and you're right, a lot of kids discover things through TikTok and through other, and I share this too, like my daughter's really into Broadway and she follows all these Broadway stars and gets them, watch them prepare behind the scenes, she knows what like seats, how many seats they sold and what they're doing. And I don't know any of them, like all then sales and all that. Like she knows all this information and all this detail about the business that she learned through TikTok. And it's building and building and that's where she's going for school. That's what she wants to focus on because she so loves it. Right? So I think that that is such a great inlet into what they love.
 
Dyllen Nellis (12:15.615)
Yeah, you nailed it. You nailed it at summarizing that. I also think like, this is not to say like, don't, you know, help them do things that are going to look good. I would just say do so in a way that is still nurturing their interests. You know, so if a kid is really interested in, I don't know, physics, for example, great. What kind of research opportunities can we get for that kid? Like what kind of summer programs exist?
Maybe they can start a physics club like, you know, help them learn the things that they are already interested in learning.
 
Dr. Cam (12:57.526)
Yeah, and I want to reiterate it's help not do.
 
Dyllen Nellis (13:02.389)
Yes, my gosh, yes.
 
Dr. Cam (13:05.637)
That's one of the things I know I'm working with a group of kids who are amazing and they're doing projects. And some of the projects you can tell the kids are doing and some of the projects you can tell are 100 % the parents. And you know, you know when it's the parents, because you're like, I'm sorry, there's no way, no matter how brilliant your kid is, that they're coming up with something that takes a college PhD to be able to do, right? What do you say to parents who are like, I want to make sure my teen is competitive and stands out, but I don't think on their own they are competitive and stand out that way.
 
Dyllen Nellis (13:47.967)
Ooh, okay. That's a good question. think, well, first understand that like growth is possible. We can, we can work on it. We can make them more competitive and more positioned to stand out in application season. So I would recommend if, they're earlier in high school, then it's a lot about extracurricular development. Things that really stand out are research, research opportunities. If you can work on your own research project, like independently led, that's awesome. Or work with a university and that takes a lot of like cold emailing usually. That looks awesome too. I know those things are also more challenging to acquire. Another thing I would highly recommend is a passion project as you kind of just mentioned, projects, right? Like projects are great and let your kid like tinker around and fail, you know, trial and error, play around, like explore their interests with projects and projects that especially relate to their interests. Number one, it's great if it can relate to their intended major because that helps them create a more cohesive application.
 
Dr. Cam (15:08.685)
Yeah.
 
Dyllen Nellis (15:13.043)
But projects that also solve problems. I know I mentioned earlier, like having questions, being curious. What are you curious about in the world? What are the problems that exist? What are the problems that you care about? And then create a project to try to solve it or work on it, you know? And so colleges want to see why not that you're not just that you are pursuing your intellectual interests, but that you're also trying to make an impact. Impact is so important to colleges and if you've been able to help your school community or your city or your entire country or internationally like those things look amazing and so just lean into how you can create positive change in the world because that's honestly what we need right now and universities are looking for students who are going to be change makers.
 
Dr. Cam (16:06.05)
Right. And it doesn't have to be big. Like, we don't have to go change the world. I think it's really little things. And as I said, the kids that I'm working with, it's the focus obviously is mental health. That's what my whole thing is. And they're going into their school or their community and doing a small, either a report or a cookie bake sale or something to bring awareness to mental health in their schools because that's something that they just, they want to do. Is that what you're talking about? Doing things like that?
 
Dyllen Nellis (16:37.589)
Yes, I think absolutely start small. Like don't, I know even get so overwhelmed and it will really freak you out. Like I'm speaking from experience, you know, when I was in high school, it's like, oh God, I have to create some like humongous thing. I don't know how to do any of that. Start small. You don't have to make an empire in one day. So it could start off with like making a club at your school. That works. I would recommend taking it further than bake sales though. just cause you want to make sure that this is something that creates real impact and can stand out. So, you know, whether that's like an educational program and then you're teaching in. Like I had a student who really leaned into robotics and she taught these classes in robotics to middle schoolers and she took it to farmers markets and displayed her robots and they had so many outreach efforts and she went to a conference and like chatted with all these other people to get signups for this other program that they put on. So as you can see there, she was able to help so many students in her community and at large. So yeah, as much as you can scale your impact, but you don't need to be at the finish line from the start, like starting small.
 
Dr. Cam (17:57.59)
Right. Now let me ask you Dylan, how involved should parents get into this? Because I think when kids are already, they're struggling with grades and parents are already very involved in trying to get their kids just to get good grades, right? And now they're going, okay, do I have to make sure I'm still on them about their grades? And now do I need to be on them about getting this passion project done?
 
Dyllen Nellis (18:22.547)
Yeah, I feel like also the language of on them feels so harsh.
 
Dr. Cam (18:27.448)
Thank you. Please address that. I would like for you to address that because I did that on purpose.
 
Dyllen Nellis (18:34.221)
well on them feels like you're hovering over them and like breathing on them, which doesn't feel good to the student and it doesn't make them want to like do the things that, I don't know. It makes them self-conscious also. Like I can, I can even just close my eyes and like step into that of like being with the student with the parent being like, you know, staring at me hovering over my whatever. So it doesn't feel good. It makes me feel like I can't make mistakes. It makes I'm literally just channeling right now. Like, what does this make me feel? It? Yeah, it makes me feel like I can't make mistakes. It makes me feel like I'm going to like for every decision that I have, I'm going to get faced with like a million, you know, have you thought about this? What about that? What about that? Like, well, here's the reality of that situation. So
 
Dr. Cam (19:11.788)
Good, I want you to be. That was my goal. I love it.
 
Dyllen Nellis (19:33.651)
For me, I feel like it would make it harder for me to dream big, honestly, because I feel like I'd be faced with a lot of backlash or objections before I even got started. But I need to just try things and fail at them in order to discover that for myself. Plus, like, those are where the experiences come, you know, like you get experience and then those experiences, guess what, can be the content for the college essay. Just saying.
 
Dr. Cam (20:01.102)
Correct. So even the failure makes a better essay when it's their authentic not succeeding at it, then succeeding at it, but their parents made them, did it for them, right? Okay. So the other thing now, how can parents best support their kids? First of all, if their kids are interested in doing this first, and then we're going to talk about if they're not. If their kids are like driven and they want to get into Stanford, they want to get into Yale, they want to look good, they want to do a passion project, how do we support them in that?
 
Dyllen Nellis (20:41.533)
Yeah, I think you should support your kid, first of all. I know we just said, don't be hovering over them, don't be on to them. But I think parents should absolutely still be part of the process. And it's wonderful when they are. I am grateful for the support that my parents gave me throughout high school. because my dad, for example, found Girls Who Code, that program, and showed it. Introduced that opportunity to me and I was like, yeah, I'm gonna apply to that and I did and it was awesome and I only knew about it because he had done some research online about that. So that's awesome. I would recommend just nurture their intellectual curiosity, lean into the things that they're already interested in and yeah, if you want to like look up opportunities online, find things that might interest them, that's great. And then you present them to your student.
 
And then if they want to do it, you can take that next step. Right, right, exactly. Yeah, and then I think another important thing is for parents to understand a little bit more about the college application process and how it works. And that's a big problem is that parents are giving all this advice or not even advice, but like telling kids to do things in a certain way because they think that they know how the college application process works when I don't know if it's entirely true. Like they might know some of the
 
Dr. Cam (22:12.174)
So what are some big, big misconceptions parents have?
 
Dyllen Nellis (22:16.19)
Well, that's like the story thing that I was mentioning, but like they understand that a college essay needs to have a good narrative. And yes, that's true, right? But that doesn't mean that you like fabricate certain parts of the narrative to make it sound like a narrative because when I read those essays, I've read thousands and thousands of college essays. If I read one of those, I will know in an instant like, this is not what actually happened. I need to talk to the student. Or maybe it did happen, but like not in that way, or they didn't actually think or feel those feelings that is written on the college essay. So I'll often talk to the kid and then find out what the truth was. And I'm like, my God, let's write about that. That's actually so much more interesting. I helped them outline a whole new essay that's still on the same topic. It's still telling essentially the same story, but now it's true. It's authentic and it rings and it sounds great. I have an example of when my dad, at one point, I was writing my college essay for the UCs, the University of California schools, and we needed a turning point. It was like I was having this in the essay. It's like I was experiencing this problem and I needed inspiration to like take action. And he recommended me, right?
 
And then I walked outside and stood underneath my big tree and the expansive like branches, the branches like inspire me to like expand my thinking. And I literally like wrote part of that in that essay. And now I look back and I'm like, this is the cheesiest thing I ever wrote. Thank God I didn't use that specific line in my essay to Stanford because I actually did use that same essay for Stanford, but I had to cut it down and I cut out that part and I made it better. But yeah, that's a great example of like, okay, if I read that, I would roll my eyes. I'm like, you did not stand under a tree and all of a sudden, like you decided to expand your thinking. What?
 
Dr. Cam (24:24.065)
Sounds very poetic. Not true. Yeah. So the messiness is good. We can have messiness.
 
Dyllen Nellis (24:43.047)
It depends. would recommend... I don't know. It's more about... I wouldn't say like having messiness.
 
Dr. Cam (24:51.798)
Not messiness in writing, but messiness in story. Like the story doesn't have to be a perfect story or can it be a messy situation.
 
Dyllen Nellis (25:01.269)
It doesn't have to be entirely linear and like, here's a bow tied around it like and then everything was solved. Everything was fixed. I think a lot of students think that they have to get there by the end of the essay. I'm like, just be real. What like, okay, if you're still experiencing whatever problem that was introduced in the beginning, you don't have to say, everything is solved. My life is perfect. But like, here's what I'm working on.
Here's the lessons that I'm learning. Here's how I have started to take action in my life or improve my life in certain ways. Great. Like if you're on that journey, you've taken steps, then that's great. Yeah. I would be careful with the word messy though. I feel like I want to be very...
 
Dr. Cam (25:48.29)
Okay, I appreciate that. What you said is what I was thinking of just like real, but yeah, I guess when my life is real, I think messy, but that's my life. So let me ask you this. If you have a kid and you're like, they're smart, I know they have what it takes to get into the school, but they're just not motivated to do this. What do you recommend parents do in those situations?
 
Dyllen Nellis (26:15.975)
if they're not motivated to about the college application process or.
 
Dr. Cam (26:21.432)
Well, just about like doing a passion project or doing something or like exploring that situation where it's gonna have this great story. Or I talk to kids too, or like, I'm just boring. I've had kids that I've worked with who are struggling, and I mean, in a mental health capacity, but this comes up because that's what's stressing them out, right? And they're like, I don't know what's right, I'm boring. Like there's nothing exciting, or I'm not motivated to do all this stuff.
 
So how do parents address that in your mind?
 
Dyllen Nellis (26:53.235)
Yeah. First of all, they're not boring. And I've had people tell me that too. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, you just haven't figured out what makes you unique yet. And let's figure that out. I can help you do that in an hour. Yeah. In terms of like motivating students, I think the most important thing is for them to understand why, why we want them to do this in the first place and what are the benefits of it. Right. Instead of just
 
Dr. Cam (27:01.42)
Yeah. It's fun to do that. 
 
Dyllen Nellis (27:22.163)
You have to do this because it looks good to colleges. It's okay. A passion project I think is so awesome. First of all, because you get to learn more about the thing that you're interested in. You got to feel a sense of purpose, which is huge. You're like getting to do something that matters and really investing your all into it. And this is something that is self led. You get to be the leader in this. Like it's not a school assignment you have creative freedom, that's awesome. You're going to learn so many things along the way. So many things like once again, through the trial and error and failures, like those things are going to help you develop skills and lessons in life that you're going to use for the rest of your life. They're going to benefit you in so many other ways beyond college applications. And then it'll look good to colleges for your extracurriculars list. And then also because you have all of these new experiences that are not conventional, right? Because this is a project that you started. Not every other kid is doing this. This gives you such great content for your college essays. You know, if you want to focus in one of your essays on this passion project, but more specifically what you went throug how your mindset changed and how you grew as a person. That's so awesome. So if a student understands that and sees like all of the opportunities that can come from pursuing a passion project like that, then I think they'll be more motivated to want to take action.
 
Dr. Cam (29:04.172)
And we can't make them motivated to do it. We can give them all that information and feed that, but if they're not motivated at all, what do you say to that?
 
Dyllen Nellis (29:20.469)
Oh, I think I know where you're trying to take me, but you can, you can... Oh, really? Okay. Well, here's what I think. If you're like, my kid needs to get into a top school in order to be successful in life, then that is not true. They do not have to go to Stanford. They do not have to go to Harvard, you know, like...
 
Dr. Cam (29:23.914)
I'm not going to take you anywhere. I'm just asking because I know there's a lot of kids that are not motivated at all.
 
Dyllen Nellis (29:49.841)
they can get really great education and be so successful in their lives no matter where they go to college. So not everyone has to achieve at the same level, you know, and if that's just not like met for your kid, then that's fine. That's literally totally fine. So they don't have to get into a top school. So you don't need to force that onto them. If you know your kid would do better at a different type of school, great.
 
You know, there's like so much great education out there. And, I, I honestly will say I've learned the most, not from college. I know I went to Stanford. I learned some great things there, but, you know, I started my entire business and company and like everything that I know about how to run a business. I learned online because I was just like, let me go on YouTube and, you know, here's another rabbit hole. And then I learned from online business owners. Like these are things that college couldn't really teach me.
 
Dr. Cam (30:52.588)
Yeah. And thank you for that. You kind of are right. That's kind of where I was trying to get you at. But I think the key is like listening to this. If you have a child or a teen who really personally themselves want to get into these schools and they really do or trying everything they can, this is a great piece of information that you can share with them. The story, the passion project, the essay are really core to differentiating themselves. If you have a kid that does not want to do this, even though you want them to do it, we can't force them and push them to do that. And that's okay. There's a lot of other ways that they can go about and find their path in life. Is that correct? Great. Okay. So I want to hear from you. How were your parents and what did your parents, because you're still so young,
 
Dyllen Nellis (31:41.737)
Yeah, absolutely.
 
Dr. Cam (31:50.55)
What did your parents do that you found were the most supportive and helped you the most when you were driven for your own success?
 
Dyllen Nellis (31:50.943)
My parents were great, first of all. I really appreciate all the things that they've done and how they helped me throughout my education. They never really, yeah, they didn't really force anything on me in high school. It's funny, I was just so high achieving and I put pressure on myself and that was just a me thing and I, yeah, it's kind of funny. But like I said, my dad found certain opportunities for me by searching online. I think he was proactive in understanding that you even, not had to, but it would look great if you did do a project, right? And so I didn't know that at all. And nobody at my school was talking about that. Like none of the kids were talking about that. Like nobody, no one was like.
No one was very understanding of the college application process at my high school. Like that wasn't the thing. And so he introduced those ideas to me. I said, just just being exposed to those ideas or knowing that that is something, right? Like then I was interested in taking those steps. And if I had an idea, we would work on it, we would discuss it, we would brainstorm it together that was wonderful and if there were any resources that my parents thought that I would benefit from or people who they knew then they could introduce me. So that's yeah that's like a great thing. And then on my essays my parents definitely looked at my essays and helped me edit them as I mentioned before I don't think that they're perfect but that's okay.
 
Dr. Cam (33:48.814)
You can take some of their suggestions and not take some of their suggestions.
 
Dyllen Nellis (33:54.011)
Yes. And I also understand that some students may not want to share their essays with their parents. I think that is totally fine too. Because sometimes students are writing about really personal things. Sometimes it is about the relationship with their parents. Yeah. So I am really grateful for how my parents helped me with that. So it's just like, yeah. And any way that they can support providing resource doing research themselves or like presenting ideas, talking with me about certain ideas, that's all helpful.
 
Dr. Cam (34:31.352)
Yeah, I love that part of it. It's fun to do the brainstorming and just kind of throwing ideas around and then watching them go, watching them take it and go. And that's it's so cool. So Dylan, how do people find you if they want your support in this?
 
Dyllen Nellis (34:47.793)
Yes, you can visit nextgenadmit.com. That's my website. It has everything, all of my programs, all my services, all of that. I'm actually open to working with private clients now for sophomores and juniors in high school. So if that's something you're interested in, then you can book a free call with me on my website as well. And I do want to offer everyone here my free masterclass. I have a full hour long master class where I talk about the top school admissions formula. That's what I call it. And so I'll break down like these very specific parts that it takes to get into a top school. And that's super valuable. You'll get a lot of insight from that. So you can visit nextgenadmit.com slash master class and register for free.
 
Dr. Cam (35:37.43)
Right. I have a feeling a lot of my listeners are going to be jumping over to that because I know we've got, we've got a lot of high achieving kids. So thank you so much, Dylan. What is the one thing that you want people to walk away with from this conversation?
 
Dyllen Nellis (35:54.047)
Ooh, it's that competitive colleges admit students who can effectively articulate their core values, their intellectual curiosity, and their potential to succeed at their institution. That's what these colleges want. And so don't force a fake narrative. You want to tell an authentic story. Because if you're not telling an authentic story, you're telling a cliche one.
 
Dr. Cam (36:19.362)
Yeah, I love that. That is so important. Dylan, thank you so much for jumping on. This was great. Very helpful. Very inspiring.
 
Dyllen Nellis (36:25.247)
Thank you.
 
ABOUT THE SHOWThe Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together.
#CollegeAdmissions #ParentingTeens #AuthenticStorytelling

Navigating the IEP Maze: How to Advocate for Your Teen & Overcome School System Barriers

Is your teen struggling in school, but you’re hitting roadblocks trying to get them the support they need? The IEP (Individualized Education Program) process can be overwhelming—especially for minority parents facing additional challenges. In this episode, I sit down with Maria Davis-Pierre, a licensed mental health counselor, autism advocate, and founder of Autism in Black.
Maria shares her personal journey navigating the special education system for her neurodivergent children and exposes the hidden biases that often prevent Black and minority children from getting the right diagnosis and accommodations. She also provides practical strategies for parents to advocate effectively, empower their teens, and navigate the IEP process with confidence.
 
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
The biggest mistakes parents make when advocating for their child’s IEP—and how to avoid them
Why Black and minority children are often mislabeled as behavioral problems instead of receiving proper support
How to involve your teen in their IEP process and teach them self-advocacy skills
The hidden biases in school support systems that every parent should know about
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Know Your Rights – Understanding the IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) is crucial for effective advocacy.
Cultural Bias Exists – Many minority children are misdiagnosed or overlooked, making advocacy even more critical.
Empower Your Teen – Teens who participate in their own IEP process develop stronger self-advocacy skills for the future.
Leverage Their Strengths – Connecting accommodations to your teen’s interests can make learning more engaging.
Give Yourself Grace – The IEP process is challenging, but you are your child's best advocate.
 
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW?
Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫
🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌
 
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Maria Davis-Pierre
Website: autisminblack.org
Instagram: @autisminblack
 
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
TikTok: @the.teen.translator
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
Facebook: @DrCamCaswell
 
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding.
 
✅ Follow for expert guidance on parenting teens
 
EPISODE CHAPTERS00:00 Navigating the IEP Process: A Personal Journey02:49 Cultural Responsivity in Autism Support05:52 Advocacy: The Unique Challenges for Minority Parents09:04 Understanding the Special Education Process12:00 Identifying Signs of Learning Difficulties in Teens14:58 Overcoming Stigma: Supporting Teens with IEPs17:52 Empowering Teens to Advocate for Themselves20:54 Leveraging Interests for Learning23:52 Finding Support and Resources26:53 The Importance of Grace in Parenting
 
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Dr. Cam (00:00)
As a mom who's been through the school IEP process dozens of times at least, I can tell you it's quite overwhelming. Whether it's figuring out the process, understanding what support is available, or just trying to advocate for your teen or help them advocate for themselves, it's a lot. That's why I'm so excited for today's episode. I'm joined by Maria Davis-Pierre, a licensed mental health counselor, autism advocate, and the founder of Autism in Black. Her work has been featured in Forbes, USA Today, PBS and more. Today she's gonna do, give us the insight we need to navigate IEPs with confidence. Welcome Maria.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (00:39)
Thank you for having me. I'm so excited.
 
Dr. Cam (00:42)
Me too. So especially as someone that's been through this process a lot, I know that is so challenging. But let's first start with you. Tell us a little bit about you and how you got into just autism and black, especially.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (00:57)
Sure. So our story starts with our oldest child, Malia, who is now 12, almost 13, my goodness. And it started when she was about 10 months. I started to see the signs of characteristics of autism in her. And I knew with my experience as a licensed therapist, I was like, we need to get you know, in front of this and my husband who is a internal medicine physician, first he was like, you know, keep that over there with your patients. Don't come over here and diagnose my kid. But we started the process, went to our pediatrician, went to early steps program, which you know, every state has just might not be called early steps. And then eventually went to the pediatric neurologist trying to get this diagnosis for her.
 
And it ended up with me actually boycotting in the pediatric neurologist office for a week because everybody was agreeing she was autistic, but nobody wanted to give her the official diagnosis because she was young. But we're all agreeing, we know it, we can't get certain services through insurance without this official diagnosis. And now you're saying wait a year and a half when we know she's still gonna be autistic. So boycotted in his office, he gave me the paperwork after a week of seeing him from the he came in to the time he left. And then, you know, started the service process. My colleagues start coming into our house and not understanding cultural responsivity, not understanding that you need to incorporate your client's culture into the work that you do. So it was, they were making it seem like we were resistant when in fact, they just weren't using interventions that were culturally responsive. And in talking to other individuals, we found that this was a norm, that we weren't the only ones experiencing this. So that's how we initially started Autism in Black. And now here we are, many years later with our podcast, our conference, our webinars and trainings. Now I have twins as well. have twins who are also neurodivergent and I got my own diagnosis.
 
Dr. Cam (02:49)
It's a family affair that you have turned into helping everyone else, which I love so much that you take your own story and your own pain and frustration and you help other people with it. And I know, I mean, I just talked to so many people that are so frustrated, not only with the system, but just as you were saying, the diagnoses and knowing what to do and finding people that they relate to and understand.
I'm curious too, let's just dig in a little bit. Like what do you see as some of the differences that we may not know? Because I know there's a lot of microaggressions, there's a lot of little things that people are just not aware of that people should be aware of.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (03:52)
One, when it comes to Black children in the school system, we are often not categorized as we should be, and we are deemed then a behavioral problem. So we are not even getting to the point to where we can get IUPs and 504s because it's not being seen as this child has a disability. It's more this child has behavior problems, they're bad, they're a bad seed type of thing biases that get in the way of thinking that black people can have disabilities, know, these children have disabilities that need supports in the school system. So that's one of the major factors as we see is that getting to the point to where we have the, can get the supports is a struggle.
 
Dr. Cam (04:46)
Yeah, I think this is such a big thing and I see this across many different cultures, right, where we just, we look at the behavior and we're very quick to make an assumption that there's something behavioral really destructive about them and not that there's a learning need, right, or not that there's neurodivergence and the system's not working for them. I mean, again, I've been through this with my daughter too and it's hard as a parent because you're like, is this just behavior that I should be dealing with or is this something different that they need support that they need? So when you're in that line, even as a parent, you're going, I'm not sure either. How do you know or how do you move forward with just that uncertainty?
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (05:16)
One, we have to advocate differently than the typical parent who isn't a minority, have to advocate completely different. That means we have to go above and beyond. Like me sitting in that office for a week, you know, to get the paperwork, you know, us constantly staying on the schools, making sure that, you're going through this process, reading the actual paperwork and looking for any of those kind of adjectives that describe our children in a manner that can then hurt them down the line, right? So we have to make sure that we are going above and beyond every step. For any parent in general dealing with special education process, you're advocating in a different manner. You're having to go in there. You add in intersectionality and it just makes that process much, harder. It makes the advocating much, much harder because oftentimes we're not understanding if it's racism or ableism that we're dealing with because they're so intertwined with us. So having to tease that back and know what point we're advocating from is also something that, you know, is a difficult process.
 
Dr. Cam (06:49)
So you're sitting there going, I'm not an expert, so I don't even know if they have a diagnosis, let alone what they need for it. But I'm also going up a system that's making it really hard for me to even figure that out. And even if I do have it, I'm still needing resistance. I mean, parents are just exhausted as it is, so they're like, probably a many give up their children struggle and the whole time through school. And then again, the schools often, I mean, it just becomes a cycle, right? So now this child is seen as misbehaving and they're treated as misbehaving. It's just this whole huge thing, self-esteem plummets. So we don't want this to happen. So what is the first step that we need to do when we're at that stage of, I think something needs to be done?
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (07:28)
That's what it is. I'm a big advocate for getting the medical diagnosis.
 
Dr. Cam (07:48)
Where do I go first?
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (07:57)
I think, you know, that can sometimes be an easier route because we can take that into the school and, you know, start that leverage from there. But I know that there so many costs associated and also the wait times and, you know, there's so much that we're going through when we're thinking about that medical diagnosis. So if that is not a route that you were able to do prior to starting with the school, then go the route we're supposed to with, hey, something's wrong. Hey, let me speak to the sped-ed director. That's what we call them here in Florida. Sometimes they're case managers in other states. Speaking with that person, starting the process, getting everything in writing. You're going to have to go over and over and over again sometimes. Sometimes you might have to go through the tiered system of how they go through the process to make sure your child needs the support. But whatever the way is for that school, that district, that county, start there and then continue it. Sometimes our children are categorized in that EBD category and not in the category that they should be and then you have to start your fight from that way. So you have to figure out first how do I first get them to understand that my child needs these supports and then see where they're going to go with the category and then that will change your trajectory of how you're going to advocate.
 
Dr. Cam (09:04)
We have to do a lot of pre-education before we even go in there because we need to know what to expect, what is our rights, what is available, and what the process is. So before we even start the process, we've got to research and understand the process. Now, what are some things that you recommend parents make sure they educate themselves on and be aware about, especially if they're concerned about microaggressions.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (09:52)
Mm-hmm one is IDEA I mean that's really kind of going to be your leverage for everything what I think is a disadvantage to everyone is the fact that Schools don't really know IDEA they have the culture of what's in the school that they go by but a lot of times It's not what's in the actual IDEA policies and the guidance and then when it comes to the black community, we're not even given the information of how the process works or should I get my child supports? Is this going to hinder my child? So there's so much that we don't know that that pre-education doesn't happen for us. It's after the fact of my child, the school has said my child has been identified or I'm thinking your child can be identified. So it's really kind of a disadvantage for our community because oftentimes we don't do the pre-education first because we don't know we should do the pre-education first, right? If you do have the opportunity, one, you are in a good place because now you know I can protect myself. Now I know that there is a set of laws that can guide how this process works. And in IDEA, parent is said more than any other team member. So that just shows how much of a pivotal point you are in the process. So making sure you know what is the rights for you, making sure you know what the rights is for your child, getting it in writing and constantly letting the school know, I know my rights. I know the rights for my child because that can make it easier for you.
 
Dr. Cam (11:31)
Now, when we're working with teenagers, there's a whole new many levels of complicated things that complicate the process. Because now we have the teens, when they're little, it's like, okay, this is what we need. This is what we need for our kid. And we're speaking for our kid. Now that we have a teenager, the first thing is we see that our teen is struggling in school and we don't know why. And a lot of times our assumption again is they're not making an effort. They don't care. They're being defunct. We put a lot of those labels on them first. Parents do, teachers do, right? Rather than going, what's going on? So let's first look at what are some signs that maybe we can look for? And I don't know if this is the right question for you, but what are some signs we can look for maybe that says, you know what, maybe we need to look if there's some learning difficulty here that's getting in their way.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (12:31)
No, I think that's the perfect question, especially from a mental health standpoint, because one of the biggest signs is change in behavior. If your child is having what is considered a sudden change in behavior, they are struggling when they weren't struggling before, right? Because middle school and up is a different ballgame for children. is, middle school is one of the hardest transitions for children because they're going from elementary where they're handheld through everything and then pushed into middle school and now you are independent. Okay, you do it type of thing, right? So that would be a big turning point for a lot of parents because then they see there's something going on here, right? My child has to be taking the lead on making sure they're getting their stuff done, right? They're the ones who have to make sure that they're transitioning from period to period just fine, right? You know, so we'll start to see a lot of those signs and then you're like, well, what's going on here? And at first, like you said, it can be, why are you not getting it done? What's really going on here? Why, you know, because teens, I'm on my phone, I'm on social media, I'm everything, right? So it's oftentimes like you just don't want to do it. But, you know, those sudden changes are also behavior as a form of communication. So also go beneath that iceberg of the tip of what you're seeing and discover is there something more there because that behavior is going to be the first red flag for you.
 
Dr. Cam (14:00)
I can't stress that and underscore that enough with a lot of the teens I'm working for. They're getting in trouble all the time. It's blamed on the phone and they're struggling just to focus or just to like understand. And so it doesn't help when there's more punishment and criticism and everything else. So it's stopping and going, okay, they're struggling. Let's figure this out. Now let's get to the next step, the stigma. I live in a very well-educated, high, you know, esteem place where, my gosh, everyone wants to be all straight AAP students and to say, my child actually needs extra support and an IEP. A lot of people have trouble with that and a lot of teens have trouble with that. So how do we overcome the stigma to get the help we need?
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (14:39)
One, very good question. And it's so difficult because when your teen is, you know, at that age, everything can be kind of embarrassing for them. And they're like, this is shame. I don't want people to think that I'm different. I don't want to be different, right? When we're adults, we understand that that was a moment in time. But for teens, it's like everything at that moment, right? I don't want to be different. I don't want this spotlight on me. I don't want people to see that I need accommodations and modifications.
 
And that can be a difficult thing because as a parent you're over here something needs to be done. I want to advocate. I want to do this. But when your teen is like, please mom don't don't right? It's not anything for you to be concerned about. I'm going to get it together. And they are taking on all of that added stress and pressures because middle school and above is so much pressure for these kids that it is to I'm like you're stressing these children out, right? So my thing is therapy can also help in that aspect of understanding that, hey, there's nothing wrong with me getting some support. There's nothing wrong with me getting accommodations that then can, one, take stress off of me, two, help me be on equal playing field with my peers. So it's one about changing that mindset for you and your child, and then going from there.
 
Dr. Cam (16:22)
There's this belief that we're either smart or not smart. And if we can't do it, we're not smart. But if you think about it, if you went to learn a new sport, of course, you're going to get a coach to help you do better. Of course, you're going to look at where your strengths are and where your weaknesses are. But in education, for some reason, we think if we can't figure it out on our own, that just means we're dumb or it's embarrassing to need somebody. So I think it is getting through that.
Now we've got the parents are on board and I know parents struggle with it too, because they don't sometimes want to admit, my child's not this straight A getting everything student, my child needs help. But now we're getting to the point where we see what is available and our teen is really, really resistant. Because of mostly because of what you just said.
How can parents address that resistance in a way that doesn't create more arguments and frustration? Because I see that a lot too.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (17:23)
One is open communication with your child. I think finding out an equal balance of where they can get the accommodations, but if they can be where it's not such a big spotlight, right? Where they can like, for instance, my daughter has a thing where she can have a certain signal that the teacher knows that she needs help. So the teacher doesn't have to come over and be like, do you need help with this? Do we need to do this A, B, and C? But she can give a signal to where then they know she needs help, right? So we're some of these things to where they're getting the assistance, but it's not such a big spotlight on that. And the team can feel secure in knowing that I know that when I need certain things that this is what I can do.
And nobody has to know my business because a lot of times that's what it is because we know bullying happens. We know teasing happens, right? And we don't want to feel like that outsider. So having that communication with your team, asking them what they need, because sometimes parents go into school and they're advocating, not knowing that that is not something that their team is going to work with, that that accommodation is not going to be something that they feel OK with. It doesn't work for them. So having that communication and involving them makes it a lot easier because now they feel like they've had input in their life, which they should.
 
Dr. Cam (18:46)
That is so key and so important. Your teen has to be involved. End of story. If we're doing this behind their back, just what you said, we don't necessarily know what they need and they feel like even less in control. I've always told people, my daughter's had an IEP before she could barely talk because she had speech difficulties. We've been in the system from the get-go. But she has been in our meetings advocating herself since she could talk. Like she was always there and now she does all of it. And I just go, do you want me there for support? I'm not going to say anything because you've got this. And she's so great at advocating for herself now. And it feels so empowered about it, but she's done it. So it's about her, not about what I need for her. It's about what she needs for her. And I think the other thing is normalizing it. That was another big thing that's always been a part of our conversations. It's not that she's dumb. It's not that she's struggling. It's that she needs different ways to learn that the school doesn't necessarily provide to everyone. So now she has these. So it's become empowering to her to be able to ask for these and have it, which is amazing.But I don't see that a lot. see a lot of kids feel like this is a sign of weakness.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (20:14)
Because in this, like you said, because it's not normalized, or it's normalized in our homes because it is normal for us, but in other homes to where the child doesn't have a disability, it's not normalized, right? So they don't understand that people are different, and then that makes it more difficult because, yes, in my house, this is normalized, but when I leave my house and others are talking about me, I'm seeing that, okay.
This is not, they don't understand that it's not normal, right? They don't understand that what their experience is, is not the norm, right? So they're thinking to me that I'm the different one, right? No.
That's where it comes to everybody really getting that education. There's when it comes to really understanding that schools should have accommodations weaved in to the system so that students, especially when it comes to students who don't get identified, and it can make it easier. It makes the whole school system easier for everybody, for the teachers, for the admins, for the students, because there are so many students who are not identified, especially as we're getting older because they're looking at more behavioral issues. So the conversations have to just go more than outside of homes where we're dealing with it. They need to be in homes where they're not dealing with it, where that is not their norm, you know. So it comes with that as well. I love that your daughter advocates for herself to their mom's a therapist right so they advocate in completely different ways because their parents have taught them completely different the way that my children advocate people know that their mom is a therapist that is just no like
 
Dr. Cam (21:46)
So is mine.  
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (22:02)
Your mom must be in this work. Yes, because of how they advocate, because of how I raise them. That's not the norm. The way that my children and your child is not the norm, but because their parents are in the field, it's the norm for them. So that's where the conversations have to go beyond these households.
 
Dr. Cam (22:07)
I want this conversation because I want everyone else to know, listen, this is extraordinarily empowering when your child has control and ability to advocate for themselves. And we've normalized the fact that there are going to be places that you're going to struggle. Everyone does. And I think this, we struggle in all kinds of different things in the world for some reason, because everyone has to go to school and everyone is compared to everyone at the exact same time based on age, that really magnifies differences and they're stuck in this place. So the comparisons are really huge when in everything else, the differences are just as vast, but we're not in a microcosm, right? We're not in this little Petri dish looking at every single person. So the people that particularly struggle in that one area,
Let's be real, it's one area of type of learning. Get stigmatized, right? And looked at, right? So the other thing, and I want to ask you how you do this too, is we focus on this is one way that you learn and that's not the best way that you learn. So we're going to find all the other ways that you are super strong in and all your other strengths that may not show up in school, but we're going to really magnify those in the rest of your life. And that builds her confidence.
 
Tell me about how you do that with your kids, because I know you do.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (23:52)
We do that by their interest really. So for example, my preteen almost teenager loves culinary. She wants to be a chef. She's in the culinary program at her middle school. That's she chose that middle school based on them having that culinary program. That's her thing. And we utilize her love for culinary to help with other things because when you're doing a recipe, there's math, there's reading, there's all of that. So when we're able to weave it into her interest, she can then apply it in other areas, right? Of course, she's dealing with fractions. She's dealing with having to be able to comprehend the recipe to know this comes first, this comes second, this comes third. So when you take it with their interest and weave it into there, it makes it fun for them, because they're like, I'm doing my interest, but they're also learning and you're getting both of the good things happening at once. So weaving it in with their interest, I find has been very easy for me to get the learning in, but also making sure that they're not bored, they're not tired, they're not feeling like I can't get this type of thing because they're invested in their interest.
 
Dr. Cam (25:06)
It's amazing that they will do things that they struggle with in school without any problem at all. Because my daughter is all theater, right? So she has to do reading comprehension in school and struggles with it, but she will go read an article and give me every little detail and memorize everything about it when it's about theater. She knows like the price, the cost. I don't even understand it all. Like she just knows everything about it. And I'm like, how'd you know that? Well, I read that whole thing, but you can't read this paragraph and say, no, that's boring.
 
It has nothing to do with comprehension, it has to do with that's boring.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (25:40)
Preferred, fast-spirited. And I'll tell you, I am a 41-year-old who is autistic and has ADHD. I have non-preferred and preferred things, and I will avoid something that I don't like to do, but something that I am heavily invested in. I will know every single, it will be done on time, get it in, anything else. The executive functioning skills start, and I have to learn, okay, I need to implement my coping skills, have to implement my accommodations, right? And for children who don't have fully formed brains, who don't have the emotional regulation of adults, we can't hold them to higher standards of, you gotta get this done. They don't want to, because it's not fun.
 
Dr. Cam (26:23)
Thank you for saying that, the higher standards, because I do, again, see this a lot where we lose our crap, but get upset when our kids do. And our kids have less ability to regulate their emotions than we do. We get upset when our kids don't get everything done right when we want them to get it done. But I mean, I've been tripping over my Christmas tree in the foyer for months now, because I don't feel like putting it away. If that had been my daughter's, I would have been really annoyed with her forever and ever because she hasn't put it away yet. So I think we do have to look at what standards are we setting for our kids and what priorities, right? Like our priorities are different from theirs. So when they're struggling at school and when they're struggling at different things, we need to take all this into account, right? They're doing their best. They really, really are.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (27:16)
They really are. Exactly. And weave those things into their IEPs. My son, he likes to stand to do his work. It's in his IEP that he can stand and do. If he's not bothering anybody, don't bother him, right? He has a spin disc. The things that he needs, weave it in there because then it makes it easier for them to be able to learn.
 
If they're constantly not regulated, not feeling comfortable, then they're not going to do it. But if you're weaving in those things that are going to help them, that they enjoy, it makes it easier for everybody involved.
 
Dr. Cam (28:02)
Yeah, and that's just in real life, you can do that. So it's just advocating so they can do that in school where they're learning how to do it. So Maria, tell us how can people find you, especially if they need to learn from you because you're going to help them navigate this, which is very complicated.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (28:06)
Yes, it is. Listen, it's complicated thing, but we try to make it enjoyable over here at Autism in Black. So you could go to our website, autisminblack.org, and it has everything. has how you can work with me, how you can get access to our conferences, podcasts, all of our social media handles. It has everything there. You just go to autisminblack.org and you can connect with me.
 
Dr. Cam (28:48)
I love it. Thank you so much. And what is one key takeaway that out of all this, which was a lot, what do you really want parents to remember from this?
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (28:55)
One is grace. Give yourself grace and give your kids grace. I think oftentimes society places these expectations that we feel we have to live by and it makes it so hard for us and our kids. And understanding that grace will help. I think it makes it less stressful for you and them.
 
Dr. Cam (29:03)
It's so important. It really is. We have a lot of shoulds that we live by and the shoulds need to be trashed because they they're pile on. So yeah, I love that. So give ourselves grace. Thank you, Maria, for joining us. We really appreciate it.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (29:25)
This was fun. Thank you for having me.
 
 
 
#theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #parentingteenswithdrcam #IEPadvocacy #specialeducation

Unlock Teen Motivation: Science-Backed Strategies with Dr. David Yeager

In this episode, Dr. David Yeager, a psychology professor at the University of Texas, shares groundbreaking insights from his book 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People. He challenges common misconceptions about teen motivation and presents research-based strategies for parents and teachers to encourage teens. Dr. Yeager explains how understanding the teenage brain, using autonomy-supportive language, and practicing "do-overs" can improve communication and motivation.
 
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
The science behind motivating teenagers and turning procrastination into action.
Why the teenage brain isn't "incompetent" and how it responds to different stimuli than adults.
How to use autonomy-supportive language to connect with your teen and boost motivation.
The importance of aligning your arguments with your teen’s values.
How to use “do-overs” to repair communication breakdowns and strengthen your relationship with your teen.
 
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Motivate by understanding, not controlling: The teenage brain is wired differently but isn’t "broken." Understanding their perspective and values leads to better motivation.
Autonomy matters: Teens need to feel in control of their choices, so use autonomy-supportive language to encourage responsibility.
Teen emotions are powerful: Harness the intensity of teen emotions instead of fearing them. These emotions can be a source of motivation if managed well.
Communication is key: When communication breaks down, practice “do-overs” to repair the situation and strengthen your relationship.
Don’t fear the challenges: The struggle to motivate teens is not a sign of failure—it's an opportunity to connect and guide them more effectively.
 
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW?Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫
🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌
 
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
10 TO 25, the Science of Motivating Young People by Dr. David Yeager
 
EPISODE CHAPTERS
00:00 Introduction: Unlocking the Science of Motivating Young People
03:41 Understanding the Teenage Brain: A New Perspective
06:27 Motivating Teenagers: The Power of Autonomy Support
14:44 Building Stronger Connections with Teenagers: Practicing Do-Overs
 
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Dr. David Yeager
Website: DavidYeager.com
Twitter: @DavidYeager
 
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
TikTok: @the.teen.translator
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
Facebook: @DrCamCaswell
 
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Dr. Cam (00:01.513) If you're like most parents, motivating your teen to do anything productive can feel like a daily struggle. But what if we could unlock the secret to turning procrastination into action, disinterest into engagement, and resistance into enthusiasm? That’s what we’re going to talk about today. I’m thrilled to be joined by Dr. David Yeager, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, renowned for his influential research alongside esteemed colleagues like Carol Dweck, Angela Duckworth, and Greg Walton. In his latest book, 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People, Dr. Yeager dives deep into the science of adolescent motivation. He’s going to share some of his findings with us today. Dr. Yeager, welcome to the show!
Dr. David Yeager (00:46.424) Thanks for having me. I was a middle school teacher right out of college, teaching sixth through eighth-grade English at a low-income school. I also taught K through eighth-grade PE, meaning I had seven or eight preps a day. I struggled with all the challenges you can imagine—everything from getting third graders to line up for dodgeball to getting seventh graders to read The Once and Future King and The Outsiders, and turn in essays on time. I felt frustrated by the advice I was given by the scientific community and research, which led me to want to do better research. I’ve spent my career trying to conduct applied research that provides parents and teachers concrete suggestions on what to say (and what not to say) based on rigorous experiments.
Dr. Cam (01:49.151) You’ve definitely piqued everyone’s interest. I’m curious, what was the advice you received earlier that didn’t work?
Dr. David Yeager (02:02.478) Think back 20 years. The big ideas around motivation for young people were about their traits—some kids are motivated, others aren’t. Some kids are helpless, some are extroverted, others are reserved. Yes, there are individual differences, but that’s not useful for me. I’m not going to give a personality test on the first day of class and say, “Okay, you’re the type who’s just going to sit there doing nothing.” The other advice was abstract and didn’t have experimental backing. It would say things like, “Set a mastery goal” or “Promote intrinsic motivation over extrinsic motivation,” but real life is more nuanced. For example, if someone asked me how to motivate an eight-year-old, I’d say, “I use a lot of Pokemon cards and candy.” With younger kids, you need something to get them over the initial hump. Once they realize success feels good, you can build intrinsic motivation over time. The advice I received was either too simplistic or not useful. I wanted clarity on what to say to make kids more intrinsically motivated or persistent, and that’s what we’ve focused on in our randomized experiments.
Dr. Cam (03:41.47) I love this and can’t wait to hear more. Let’s talk quickly about why it feels so hard to motivate our teenagers in the first place.
Dr. David Yeager (03:53.74) A traditional narrative is that something’s wrong with this generation—brainwashed by phones, distracted by political unrest, and so on. While there are differences compared to when we were growing up, I think a lot of the complaints are overstated. For example, think about how much more attention we can give now with technology—like when you’re driving, you don’t have to worry about getting lost because you have Google Maps. We used to spend so much time with physical maps or printing out directions from MapQuest, hoping the printer worked. Sure, there are distractions now, but we wasted a lot of time in the past, too.
Dr. Cam (04:30.849) Thank God for that! I remember getting lost a lot more.
Dr. David Yeager (04:51.212) Right? I think a lot of what’s happening now is a net even. Older generations have always complained about younger ones—this goes back to Aristotle and Plato. What I want to focus on is the timeless aspects of the adolescent brain that haven’t changed over the course of hundreds of thousands of years, and how they respond to cultural and technological shifts. Fundamentally, young people’s brains, from the onset of puberty, start craving experiences of status. The feeling of earning a prestigious reputation in the eyes of someone they care about has never felt as good as it does during puberty. On the flip side, the humiliation of being rejected or failing publicly at something important never feels worse. Given the intensity of these emotions, we as parents can’t just tell kids to “get over it.” We have to understand it and figure out how to harness it.
Dr. Cam (06:26.913) I love this because it speaks to how parents often say, “Well, this is how I was raised, and it worked for me.” But 20 years ago, we didn’t know nearly as much as we know now about the brain and teen development. We know so much more now that can help us avoid some of the trauma many adults are still recovering from. If we can prevent that, why wouldn’t we? Let’s talk about the teen brain. I’m with you—evolution doesn’t change that quickly. The world around teens today has changed drastically, and they’re doing the best they can in this world we’ve created.
Dr. David Yeager (07:42.146) The most important thing to keep in mind is that there are different metaphors for what the teenage brain is doing. The metaphor we choose shapes how we deal with it. One common view is that young people are neurobiologically incompetent—that the moment puberty strikes, they get a “frontal lobotomy,” can’t plan ahead, can’t reason logically, are short-sighted, impulsive, and selfish. That view goes back to Plato’s Phaedrus, where young people were compared to unruly horses needing to be controlled by a charioteer. Neuroscientists have used this view, partly because it has served as a convenient legal argument for youth offenders. It’s true that kids don’t always think about the lifelong consequences of their actions, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking. They’re just thinking about different things, not long-term self-interest.
The updated view is a neurobiological competence model. Teens are really good at some things—just not what adults expect. The teenage brain is like the R&D engine for our culture. As society and technology change, teens have to adapt quickly and figure out how to succeed in our world—and they do this far faster than adults. What adults may see as a short attention span is often the brain at the frontier of innovation. Think about it: The same adults who complain about kids loitering at the mall might be served by an excellent 16-year-old waiter without even noticing. The teenage brain is paying attention to different things, and once we understand what those things are, we can communicate more effectively, inspiring independence and motivation in young people.
Dr. Cam (10:46.249): That’s fantastic. It’s so true. Their priorities are different from ours, but that doesn’t make them wrong; it makes them different. My understanding is that the prefrontal cortex is still developing during adolescence, forming connections. So, complex skills like emotional regulation and problem-solving are still being developed. It doesn’t mean they can’t do these things, but they’re primed to learn how to do them better. This is a time for practicing those skills, but we can’t expect them to have it all figured out yet. Is that correct?
Dr. David Yeager (11:28.268): Yes, that’s mostly correct. The brain’s emotional regulation is an experience-dependent process. Some things, like bone growth from drinking milk, happen automatically, but emotional regulation depends on experiences. You learn to regulate emotions by actually going through emotional experiences. The old model suggested that logical reasoning in the prefrontal cortex dampens the impulsive emotional regions of the brain, but now we know that the emotional areas teach the prefrontal cortex what to care about. Carol Dweck, who developed growth mindset theory, recently published a paper showing that goal-directedness, driven by emotions, guides the brain’s development. Teenagers can focus their cognitive resources when motivated by something important to them, and that experience changes their brain and their mindset. The challenge for us as adults is that when there’s a conflict, it’s often because their goal isn’t to regulate their emotions to meet our demands. Their brain won’t be receptive to our goals unless they perceive them as important.
Dr. Cam (13:53.183): This ties right into motivation. We’re not saying kids aren’t motivated; they just aren’t motivated to do what we want them to. When we talk about kids being unmotivated or lazy, it’s not that they lack motivation or drive, it’s that they’re focused on things we don’t care about.
Dr. David Yeager (14:18.574): Exactly. The same parents who complain about their kids not doing homework or practicing the cello will find that their kids are excellent at planning how to sneak out to a party. That’s goal-directed behavior. Teenagers are incredibly good at setting and achieving goals. It’s like watching a 17-year-old Canadian win gold in swimming at the Olympics. Teenagers can absolutely focus when it matters to them, but their priorities are different. Our task as adults is to figure out what matters to them, which often comes back to social reputation or status—not in a superficial way, like social media likes, but in a deep, meaningful way. The question they’re asking is: How am I a valuable contributor in the eyes of people whose opinions I care about? And adults often don’t care about that; they just want compliance. They want kids to listen because we said so. That’s fine when they’re little and we need them to get their shoes on for school, but as they grow, we can’t expect them to simply obey without question. That doesn’t help them be the innovators we need for the future.
Dr. Cam (16:01.181): It makes so much sense. When we project them into the future, do we want kids who just do what they’re told? We see this now in the workforce, where many complain that kids can’t think for themselves and only do the bare minimum. But it’s not because something’s wrong with them; it’s how we’ve raised them.
Dr. David Yeager (16:25.014): Yes, we’ve done it to them. The emotional development of the brain is an experience-dependent process. If kids grow up thinking they should listen to adults without question just because they said so, they’ll either stop listening to anyone or, worse, they’ll become compliant without thinking. We’ve seen this problem in society, where people just pick a side and repeat what their team says without engaging in real discussion. What we need are young people who can think critically, consider nuanced alternatives, and apply them in their lives. If we raise kids like that, society will benefit greatly, not just in terms of parenting, but because those kids will become innovators who can solve the world’s biggest problems.
Dr. Cam (17:27.263): Right. One thing that trips us up is perceiving their attempts to express their opinions or what’s important to them as disrespect. We shut it down and say, “You’re not allowed to say that.” I see this often, and I think it sends a harmful message that their opinion is wrong just because it differs from ours. That creates someone who can’t think independently.
Dr. David Yeager (17:56.118) Yeah, I think the biggest confusion I see is around the word "respect" or "listen." This is influenced by Rosalyn Wiseman, a thoughtful parenting leader. When parents say "respect," they usually mean unquestioned obedience. When kids say "respect," they mean being heard and valued as real people. Same with "listening." When kids say, "Nobody listens to me," they mean nobody cares about their perspective or why they might have legitimate reasons for being reluctant. What I’d love is to have a shared definition of respect, where people are treated as adult-like humans with independent thoughts and feelings. The reason adults view it one way and kids view it another is due to the neurobiological incompetence model. If adults think young people can’t think, that they’re impulsive or short-sighted, then why would we care about their opinions? We assume we’ve already figured it out. But if we adopt a neurobiological competence model, where we see young people as adapting to culture before we are, understanding things we don’t yet see, it makes more sense to ask questions, listen, and see where they’re coming from.
Dr. Cam (19:52.37) I love that. It explains so well that we need to value them as unique individuals with their own minds and needs, not as extensions of us who just need to do what we want. This is where I see a lot of friction between parents and teens.
Dr. David Yeager (20:12.172) Yeah, there’s a study I talk about in the book where I look at a phenomenon I call "grown-splaining"—kind of like mansplaining, but it’s grown-ups telling kids what to do. The logic behind it is, "If only you would listen to my clear, logical reasons, you’d change." But that doesn’t work. In the study, they recorded moms nagging their teenage daughters and then put the daughters in an fMRI scanner to see what happens in the brain. What they found is that the logical reasoning regions of the brain actually go down. The anger regions go up, meaning the teenage girls are getting more frustrated. But what’s most interesting is that the social cognition regions of the brain, the areas related to understanding the meaning behind what’s being said, were less active. So when a teenager hears nagging, they’re not processing the reasoning—it’s like the words go in one ear and out the other. But this is situational—it’s about the tone of our voice, how we tell them what to do, and not involving them in the conversation. When we impose our goals and values without their input, they check out. But if we create a different context, we can see much better engagement.
Dr. Cam (22:20.543) I want to flip this a bit because I can already hear parents asking, "So, should we just let them do whatever they want? Are we always wrong and they’re always right?" They’re worried about things like video games taking over their kids’ lives while homework or chores get ignored. These are real concerns. How do we address that?
Dr. David Yeager (22:45.55) For sure. The wrong response is to say, "We should have no standards and let the kids run everything." That’s not what I’m suggesting. In my book, I talk about experts who work with young people, like the best manager at Microsoft for 20-year-olds or a top high school physics teacher. I also spoke with a coach who works with teenage NBA draft prospects. What they do is nothing like letting young people run wild. They have incredibly high expectations, but they provide the support for kids to meet those expectations. What we’ve learned is that there are two ways to get this wrong. One is what we call an "enforcer mindset," where the goal is to enforce high standards and leave the kids to meet them on their own. This can make parents come across as authoritarian—compliance might happen, but it’s not willful. The other extreme is the "protector mindset," where parents focus on protecting kids from distress and low self-esteem, leading to low expectations and kids walking all over them. The middle ground is the "mentor mindset." In this model, you have very high standards but also high support. This combination helps kids develop into meaningful contributors to society, able to follow rules but doing so because they understand the reasons and internalize the values. It’s not about dictating rules—it’s about helping them take ownership. I’ve seen this in action, and it works. There are many examples and practices from these mentor-leaders in the book, and fortunately, anyone can start applying them.
Dr. Cam (25:24): So, give us some examples because I think there’s a very fine line to walk here. People really struggle with the difference between mentoring and controlling—or maybe more accurately, micromanaging. I see a lot of micromanaging, where parents think they’re helping and teaching. What’s the difference?
Dr. David Yeager (25:48): Yeah. Well, I think if you hold a high standard for things like personal conduct—like cleaning your room or helping around the house—young people will complain. They don’t want to do those things. And the easiest way to stop the complaints is to just lower the standard. "Okay, fine, I’ll do it," right? I have four kids, so I get that. But sometimes, when we hold the standard, it turns into a shouting match. And we’re left thinking, “Who have I become?”
What I’ve learned is a couple of things. One is that a big reason for complaints is that we’re often not transparent about why we’re holding the standard. We might just say, “Do this,” and when they ask why, we say, “Because I said so.” We don’t explain. But explanations show respect. If I asked you to do something for me without giving a reason, I’d come across like a jerk. I’d be manipulating you. But we talk to teenagers this way all the time, which would be totally inappropriate with other adults. The problem is that we still think they’re children, and they think they’re adults. So, there’s this two- to three-year gap in communication. They feel talked down to, and we feel like we’re being appropriate.
So, sometimes, you can ask for the same thing but be clear about your intentions. Show them how what you’re asking will help them become a better person or contribute to their happiness. Transparency is one simple step. Another, a bit harder, but very important, is questioning. Instead of just telling them, try asking for their perspectives. Avoid questions like, “What were you thinking?” because that implies they weren’t thinking. Instead, show curiosity by asking authentic questions that invite them to share their reasoning. When you do this, they feel respected and heard, and they’ll often start telling you what you want.
I’ll tell you, a lot of this comes from negotiation tactics, like those used in hostage situations. Sometimes talking to a teenager about going to a party feels like a hostage negotiation! And it turns out, the same tactics that work for negotiating with hostages also work with teenagers.
Dr. Cam (28:51): That’s so true. The power of empathy and validating their feelings is key. We struggle with this because some people confuse it with agreeing with them. It doesn’t mean agreeing with their anger or frustration—it just means acknowledging that their feelings are real, which is non-negotiable. What they feel is what they feel.
Dr. David Yeager (29:08): Exactly. Dr. Becky has a great phrase: the "most charitable interpretation." When your teenager does something frustrating, pause and try to think, “What’s the most charitable possible interpretation of this behavior?” Often, their behavior is just their way of seeking status and respect, either from you or from their peers. If you start with curiosity, trying to understand what they want, it doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. But understanding them puts you in a better position to negotiate.
The problem with negotiations is offering something they don’t want. If you understand what they want, you can offer a deal they’re more likely to accept. That’s often what it’s like talking to teenagers.
Dr. Cam (30:03): I tell parents all the time, you might be offering a solution, but you’re solving for your problem, not theirs. Then, when they don’t agree with it, you get upset. That happens a lot. So, I know parents are still wondering, “How do we actually motivate them to do their homework?”
Dr. David Yeager (30:21): Well, there’s 380 pages in the book on this! But I’ll say there are different reasons why they don’t do their homework. Sometimes it’s because the homework feels too hard, and they fear failure. They worry that trying hard will just expose their lack of ability, which is the fixed mindset in action. Another reason could be time pressure. If the homework is due the next day, they feel overwhelmed—racing heart, sweaty palms. That’s anxiety.
In one paper I published in Nature a few years ago, we reframed difficulty. We showed that difficulty actually means you’re doing something ambitious. It’s a sign you care about something important. And those physical symptoms—the racing heart, the sweaty palms—are actually your body mobilizing resources to help you perform better. Your body sweats to cool itself down, and that helps you think more clearly. Your heart races to get oxygenated blood to your brain, which helps you think faster. So, reframing anxiety as excitement can help.
There are other reasons they don’t do homework, like not seeing the point, but I cover those in detail in the book, with practical tools.
Dr. Cam (32:16): That’s great. So, let’s break it down into the three key takeaways for parents—things they can use to connect better and understand their teen.
Dr. David Yeager (32:37): Sure. The three main takeaways I’d suggest are:
Tone and word choice matter in tough conversations. The difference between autonomy-supportive language and controlling language is huge. For example, saying “You might consider” or “Have you thought about this?” is autonomy-supportive. Saying “You should do this” or “You must do this” is controlling. Tiny changes in how we phrase things can make a big difference.
Align your argument with their values. Often, we try to get them to care about things that don’t resonate with them. But there are values they care about that can align with your goals. For example, instead of saying, “You need to do your homework so you can get into a good college,” say, “This homework will help you build skills that you’ll need to solve real-world problems.” You can connect what they’re doing to a value they care about.
Give yourself do-overs when you mess up. We’re all raised in a culture that’s been getting teenagers wrong for a long time. Don’t expect yourself to get it perfect every time. But it’s not like a failure that you can’t recover from—there are endless do-overs. I’ve started telling my kids, “I didn’t handle that the way I should’ve. I should have asked you about your reasons for not doing it. Can you share that with me, so we can figure it out together?” When you do that, they often forget the initial frustration, and you’re able to work through things together. Those do-over conversations get easier and faster over time.
Dr. Cam (35:54): And those are great things to model for our teens. When we do it, they’ll start doing it for us. Most of the time, that’s what we’ve been trying to get them to do anyway! When we take control of ourselves and how we show up, everything changes. I could talk to you for hours more—there’s so much more I want to ask you. This has been so enlightening and interesting. But how can people find you, and tell us about your book?
Dr. David Yeager (36:25): The book is called 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People. If you care about or know anything about young people ages 10 to 25, this book is for you. We want to stop the miscommunications and frustration that cause so much tension between generations. It’s available at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Simon & Schuster. You can also get bulk discounts if you want to buy it for all your friends. I’m on LinkedIn, and you can find me through the University of Texas at Austin, where I have a professor website.
Dr. Cam (37:06): What are you researching?
Dr. David Yeager (37:10): I’ve always focused on kids in school—how they transition from middle school to high school, high school to college. Now, we’re thinking about the workforce. Are 20-year-olds entering workplaces where the managers know how to motivate them? And what about the 70% of kids who don’t go to four-year colleges? Do they have bosses who understand what young people need in terms of status and respect? Or are they stuck with bad jobs and bad managers? We’re looking at alternative pathways to the workforce, regardless of college education, and trying to help managers understand how to inspire and motivate young people.
Dr. Cam (38:02):That’s amazing! And when they’re inspired, their employees thrive. Thank you so much for joining me today. I really appreciate it.
 
About the Show:
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together. #theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #parentingteenswithdrcam
 
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How to Teach Teens Media Literacy & Critical Thinking with Carl Azuz

In this episode, former CNN anchor Carl Azuz joins Dr. Cam to explore how to teach teens media literacy and critical thinking in today's news-driven world. Carl shares strategies for helping teens navigate bias, develop independent opinions, and manage anxiety caused by negative news. They discuss the importance of fostering open conversations, promoting respectful discourse, and exposing teens to diverse perspectives to encourage empathy and tolerance. Learn how to help your teen separate fact from opinion, engage in thoughtful discussions, and gain a broader understanding of the world around them.
 
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
How to teach your teen to fact-check and recognize bias in media
The impact of the news on teen anxiety and how to alleviate it
Why open, respectful conversations about tough topics are vital
The importance of exposing your teen to multiple perspectives to broaden their views
How to shift the focus from negative news to solutions and positive stories
 
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Teach teens to seek information from multiple sources to avoid bias and develop critical thinking.
Engage in open conversations, modeling respectful discussions and encouraging them to form their own opinions.
Highlight positive stories and solutions to counteract anxiety from negative news.
Expose teens to a variety of news topics and perspectives to foster empathy and understanding.
Focus on starting with the facts, then exploring different perspectives without bias.
 
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW?Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫 
🔔 Remember to hit Follow so you never miss another solution—packed episode! 🙌
 
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
The World from A to Z with Carl Azuz
 
EPISODE CHAPTERS
00:00 - Introduction and Carl Azuz’s Background03:02 - Teaching Media Literacy & Critical Thinking08:00 - Navigating Bias & Multiple Perspectives13:04 - Open Conversations & Respectful Behavior18:08 - Alleviating Anxiety & Fear in Teens23:46 - Widening World Perspectives & Fostering Gratitude
 
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Carl Azuz
Website: www.theworldfromatoz.com
X (Twitter): @CarlAzuzCNN
 
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
TikTok: @the.teen.translator
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
Facebook: @DrCamCaswell
 
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Dr. Cam (00:02.039)
Are your teens overwhelmed by today's chaotic news cycle? Do you wonder how to help them separate fact from opinion in a world full of bias? Today, we've got Carl Azuz, former CNN 10 anchor and new creator of the world from A to Z. Here to share how we can teach our teens media literacy, civil discourse, and critical thinking. So let's dive in. Carl, welcome to the show.
 
Carl Azuz (00:26.594)
Hey, it's fantastic being here with you, Dr. Cam. Thank you for having me on.
 
Dr. Cam (00:30.161)
Absolutely. let's start. You were on CNN for a while and then you have started the world from A to Z. Can you tell us a little bit about that first and how did that become in how did that come into reality?
 
Carl Azuz (00:43.022)
Absolutely, I had spent my entire career at CNN up until about the fall of 2022. I was gonna say October is probably around September, October of 2022. I was recruited to work there right out of college. I'd studied video and film production, not specifically broadcast news, though the University of Georgia had a strong broadcast news major you could focus on. But CNN was recruiting.
 
And I went for it because I'd been familiar with the network. I'd watched at home as I was growing up and everything. And I'd started at the very entry level two days after I graduated college. In fact, Ted Turner, who founded CNN, spoke at my college graduation coincidentally, and I didn't attend it because I was moving back to Atlanta to work for that man two days later. So that was like my little Ted Turner story, but everybody had one in those days. that was up.
 
Dr. Cam (01:32.621)
that's funny.
 
Carl Azuz (01:38.126)
You know, that was my career. I got on the air there and spent about 15 years on the air hosting CNN student news. It rebranded to CNN 10 around 2017. Then left the network in the fall of 2022. I freelanced for a year working with Sunlight Homeschool Curriculum, working with the Poynter Institute as a media ambassador, media literacy being my focus and did some public speaking. And then in the fall of 23, we launched the world from A to Z. And it's such an exciting thing because
 
We are independently produced. We are able to cover the news. can cover whatever's happening, whatever the story of the day might be, whether it's here or abroad. We want it to be very international, because after all, it's the world from A to Z. But we are able to do that without any sort of partisan bias. And that's really my priority when covering anything controversial, anything political. I don't want the show to lean to the left or the right.
 
I'm not saying I'm perfect, but is my intention to be as perfect as we can in, know, treating multiple viewpoints the same way without prioritizing one side over the other, especially when it comes to politics.
 
Dr. Cam (02:49.543)
imagine that's incredibly hard right now because everything is so completely at opposite ends. So how do you even do that? Where do you find middle ground? I don't even know where it is anymore.
 
Carl Azuz (03:03.566)
It's a challenge and I'm grateful to have had, you know, so many years of experience when I was training to write. I remember I had a really good piece of advice. and this was, this is many years ago. This is before I was even on the air, but I remember that there was an executive who sat down with us and said, don't just make sure every story is balanced. Make sure they're weighted the same. If you give a minute, 20 seconds to one political party and 15 seconds to the other, you could argue that you had balance. had multiple perspectives.but you're not weighting them the same. And so in those days, the priority was to have balance and weight. And so those are things I look for, but you, I mean, you hit the nail on the head. I mean, these are incredibly divided times and you know, folks in media, and this isn't a knock on any one network. This is media wide. People are increasingly telling news through blue or red tinted glasses. And so for us, you're right, it is a challenge. It is more challenging to write. today than it was when I started in news because so much of this information is either one sided or it's favoring one political partisan viewpoint over another. And so for me, it's like, well, look, I have an audience of students. I don't assume they watch the news every day. So my first thing is what are the facts? Just glean the facts. What happened? Is there a new law? What is it? What does it say? And then after you've established what's going on, why people care about it, why it's making news, then we can get into the different perspectives if there's time to talk about, okay, well, this is why supporters of this new law say it's gonna be great. This is why opponents of this new law say it's gonna be awful. But to try to do that in a way that doesn't land on one side or the other, so often, if we're doing a story that has a political, if it's politically charged, if on Monday we cover this story and I say, well, Democrats say this, Republicans say this,
 
If we revisit that on Wednesday or Thursday, I'll flip the order so that no one party always has the last word. So they're all part of the strategies to start first with the facts, then get into different perspectives, but do so in a way that, look, I don't want people to think I'm leaning one way or another. The only way I can get our audience to trust this show and to back up what we say when we say we're nonpartisan is to make sure we're representing those different viewpoints in a way that doesn't favor one.
 
Dr. Cam (05:03.511)
I think one of the things that's really hard too is we as adults and as parents have a very polarized view at this point, even if we think we're, I think I'm in the middle. I think I'm rational, but I know I'm not, right? I know for a fact that there's no way I am, right? You kind of pick your side, I guess. I feel like everything has a side, but then what you consume and how you consume it all is done in a way that's towards what you already believe. It's not something where we're open to understanding other sides, right? There's a big issue with that. So how is parents, when we are, even if we want to admit it or not, when we're biased, how do we teach our kids critical thinking and to come up with their own opinions, which again, I think is really hard for parents because they want their kids to have their opinions. There was a lot in there. 
How do we teach our kids to think for themselves in a situation where it's very difficult to think for ourselves?
 
Carl Azuz (06:34.338)
Well, I don't think there's, personally don't think there's something wrong in a parent sharing, you know, his or her opinion with the child. But that said, when it comes to media literacy, I always encourage our audience to have multiple sources and multiple credible sources. If you go to social media, you look at TikTok and Instagram, some of these folks are very gifted. Some of them, you know, could be journalists or reporters, but there are a lot of people, because anyone can say anything at any time on social media, there are a lot of people who are just, holding up a phone and spouting off a bunch of opinions or maybe some facts that line up on one side of an argument, but ignore the other. And they're becoming incredibly influential. So I'm always telling folks, look, it helps to start with major news organizations you have heard of because a lot of those big organizations, they do have reputations to protect and they want to, as those that are established, they want to make sure that their viewers, their readers, their consumers are trusting them. But to have multiple sources. Never let one organization be all your source for news because as we've talked about as reporters who are human beings increasingly put their opinion or their bias into their reporting, these different networks, it's very difficult at that level unless your whole network has just said, we're going to just explore this side, this is going to be our approach. It's very difficult for them to be nonpartisan or objective when so many people there aren't. And so I'm always encouraging people, young people, have multiple sources, multiple credible sources, get your news from different places, regardless of whether you personally lean left or right, read from both sides. Because oftentimes, the overlap is where the truth is. And to extend that to parents, I would just encourage them to say,
 
This is why I believe what I do. I mean, I think if parents are transparent, I think that that helps too to say, look, I mean, we're seeing these news, we're seeing these different viewpoints. This is what one side says, this is what another side says. But, you know, I personally believe this and you can make up your own mind. But I think that if parents and teachers did that, that conversation alone can help a student, a young person think critically because they are hearing multiple viewpoints, at least initially without judgment.
 
And I think that's key to understanding.
 
Dr. Cam (09:00.437)
That is a very difficult thing to do these days is listen without judgment. feel like judgment is just woven into the conversations at this point. so being able to separate that and wanting our kids to grow up without like we're raising them, I feel like in this very separated world and they're learning to think that way. So how do we have a conversation with them that opens that up and says, okay, here's some signs that we can look at to know that this is very biased or here's some things to think about if you're thinking this way that you could be stuck in a bias, right? So what are some things we can teach them and ourselves?
 
Carl Azuz (09:40.749)
It’s kind of using my show as an example. If we're covering a controversial story and you're hearing multiple perspectives, I think one thing that helps is to ask them, okay, what did you get out of that? What different opinions did you hear about this subject? I think basically just establishing the fact that there are different arguments, there are different opinions, just to talk about, just in a conversation, I think gets, you know, kind of the wheels turning among young people. mean, one thing on our show, try to, you we want to encourage critical thinking. We want people who watch our show to consume our show to say, look, there are different views on anything and every human idea, human invention, human law, it has pros and cons. There are side effects to the things that we come up with and the solutions that people come up with.
 
So I think that by watching our show, they'll get a sense of that, whether it's something politically controversial or maybe it's just a new initiative to use AI technology to test local bacteria levels and waterways. Okay, but who's paying for that? Will that impact water bills of people around? Just think in terms of broader, bigger picture so that when you hear about a new invention,
 
So often I've seen my colleagues in the media get caught up in all the pros. you know, I remember in the early days of self -driving cars and as the technology was developing, you know, there were people who'd get caught up and say, this is the solution. It'll eliminate human error and it'll be greener and cleaner. It'll get everybody where they want to go. And there won't be any accidents and all that stuff. And then as the reality has played out, first of all, it's taken a lot longer than anyone thought to develop that technology. And then of course we've seen in some places where they've gone whole hog on these, there have been some problems, even in parking lots with the self -driving cars themselves at the end of the day, looking to park themselves and struggling with that. So I'm not saying I'm looking to dump on new ideas, but I'm looking to provide what supporters say is going to be great about it, and then what's the critical angle so that they can have those conversations. And extending that to parents, extending that to teachers, to be able to say, what are you getting out of this story? Did you hear something that it sounds like
 
Here's a problem and here's the one solution and everything's all sorted out. So let's just do that. Or did you hear, wait a minute, some people are saying, let's pump the brakes on this. There are other angles, whether it's the cost of something, whether it's the impact, the side effects it has, like, you you've seen the advertisements for new medications and they always have this list of side effects they give. Correct. Exactly. It's fast, but at least it's there. And so the hope is, you know, to have a show that gives those multiple perspectives that could be used as a jumping off point for parents to say, okay, look, you heard one side that said this, but you heard another side that said this, and if possible, you know, bringing a whole bunch of viewpoints on it. But I want people to have discussions and to think critically about it. And I don't want folks to depend on any one media organization, including my own, as their sole source for information. I think that as people consider different perspectives, especially if those are presented without judgment, we're able to have a conversation about it. And now, I mean, as you and I have discussed, Dr. Kam, I mean, people aren't looking to converse. They're looking to say, this is the reason I believe this, and I want to shut you down. And I'm like, that's not helping the divide we have. That's not going to help us democratically, where, you know, throughout the past, we've always seen whether it's legislation, a new government initiative or whatever, it often moves forward with compromise because neither party has figured all this stuff out. And so hopefully in a small way, our show could be a jumping off point for those discussions.
 
Dr. Cam (13:30.267)
I love that and I think it's so important to realize that we are looking at, we have to look at multiple sources. And I think there's a lot of distrust with the media these days too. Why do you think that is?
 
Carl Azuz (13:45.494)
It's fascinating, you're exactly right in saying that. There've been a couple studies over the past couple of years that say Americans' trust in media is either at or close to a record low. So we have seen those studies over and over again. Personally, I believe, having spent my whole career in broadcast media, that it's because opinions have infiltrated broadcasts. And I think to some extent, you've got, again, this isn't a knock on any one network. This is media wide, but I think to some extent, different organizations want to serve specific audiences. They want to say, okay, well, we know that more people on the left or on the right are watching us and they're paying for us. So let's, cover news. That's exciting to them. You look at what you're fed on social media. That's meant to get your click. And so if Facebook, for instance, or TikTok or whatever, if it's learning about you that you always are watching something that's a rant against one party, it wants to feed you that to get the click and to help with their advertising and to show their advertisers that, we can drive you traffic that you're looking for. That's just the world we live in. And so that's why I'm always just like, don't have just one source.
 
Make sure you are looking to other places so you're getting those contrasting viewpoints.
 
Dr. Cam (15:09.707)
When let's go into a scenario, because I've heard this a lot, where the parents have one very strong point of view and the teenager has a very strong point of view that is different from the parent. And there's multiple reasons why. I mean, there's a generational thing. There's just a, you're my parent, so I want to disagree with you. This can cause a lot of tension in a household and a lot of shutting down of kids because we're like, you're wrong, right? You're just wrong. I'm the adult, you're wrong. So how do we have these conversations with our kids when they're bringing up situations or saying arguments that just make our skin crawl because it's so opposed to what we believe in? How do we have that conversation? Because this is true with anybody, right? But I think it's really important to be able to do this with our team because we can't just unfollow our team like we do with a lot of people on social media.
 
So how do we have these conversations where they become more productive and teach them to think critically and not just trying to convince them that we're right and they're wrong?
 
Carl Azuz (16:15.758)
think first and foremost, it's have the discussion, talk to the kids. mean, like there were a number of studies. I mean, when I was with CNN for a while, I did education reporting in addition to hosting CNN student news and CNN 10. And one conclusion that we saw in so many of these studies, whether it was, you know, risky behavior by teens or teens skipping school or teens dropping out or whatever, one thing we saw in all of these studies, I became a broken record, I was repeating myself, was that those young people who said their parents wouldn't really care either way were far more likely, always by double digits, to engage in the risky behavior, the controversial behavior or whatever it was. Whereas those students who said, my mom, my dad would totally freak out if they caught me doing this, were by double digits less likely. So what that taught me is that parents, teachers, you are influential, you have more influence than you might think you do, even if the kid, know, is contrarian, if we want to borrow a diplomatic term or if, you know, they're just antagonistic. You do have that influence. So I think first of all, is to have those conversations. Don't think, well, you know, so and so will just shut down or that's just how things are. And so I'm not even going to bring it up or I'm going to snipe at the child or the child's going to constantly snipe at me. So first, keep the lines of communication open. 
Second, I think to have a civil discussion in a way that says, listen, I understand where you're coming from. I understand maybe you've heard this or maybe they process, they're processing something they heard at school on TikTok, whatever it might be. And to say, listen, I understand why you would think that, but I want you to think bigger picture here because there is another viewpoint and that viewpoint says A, B and C, or there are side effects to making a law that says everybody must do this. And those side effects include D, E and F.
 
And I think that conversations like that, especially if they're kept civil, help the child understand, okay, look, dad's not gonna agree with me on this, but I kind of see why other people are saying what they do. At least they were able to have that conversation. And so I think that, you know, that's an important starting point. And I think that goes beyond the parent kid relationship. I'd like to see a classroom, even if 29 students line up on one side of a controversy and one lines up on the other.
 
I would hope that they could have a civil discussion at the end. Maybe nobody's opinion has changed. That's okay. But to also be able to see, I don't agree with you, dude. I can't see things the way you see them, but I understand where you're coming from. And I don't need to hate you because we're different in that viewpoint.
Dr. Cam (18:57.017)
How do we get there? I think we're modeling not that as adults. We're not modeling that behavior. And to teach it to our kids is a difficult thing when we're not modeling it. So I think being able to listen to somebody else's without feeling the need to convince, because I think we're stuck in convincing mode, right? So how do we even as parents listen to our teens' perspective?
 
Because our team may have points that we don't know about because they're listening to other resources. I mean, they're tapped in too.
 
Carl Azuz (19:30.147)
Yes, sure they are. they have so it's not, you know, we're not in an era anymore where you have the family gathered around the evening news for half an hour and then discussing it. It's like people are being flooded with information from the moment they wake up and look at a screen. And so you're exactly right. The parents and teens are dealing with that. But again, I mean, I think that, you know, it comes back to what you're saying about modeling the behavior and there are a number of health reports that we've aired on the world from A to Z that discuss the importance of modeling behavior. you know, it's like, it starts with parents. It's fine for you to consume what you want to consume and have your opinion. But if all your child hears is you grumbling about a political party, can't believe they're doing this, you know, grumbling about a candidate all the time. Yeah, I mean, I think that that's It's not going to encourage the conversations that I think that folks need to be having in a civil way. So I totally agree. think that it does start with modeling that behavior. It does start with sitting down and just having conversations and saying, look, this is where I stand on this. And this is why, because of what, you know, what I grew up or what I saw are because of you and the future and all these other things, but it's all right if you disagree, but just understand that there are other opinions and try to respect them. I think if adults model respect, I think kids are more likely to be susceptible to it and hopefully model that themselves, hopefully have that themselves. But to respect the fact that there are other viewpoints, I think you're right, I think it starts with us.
 
Dr. Cam (21:11.839)
I want to hit another thing, Carl, that comes up a lot is, I mean, there's a lot of really horrific stories in the news. And like you just said, we're bombarded by it from everywhere and almost makes it sound like this is happening all the time everywhere, right? And so how do we help our kids? Because I've seen this a lot where teenagers now are far more impacted by what's going on in the news than we were growing up when we didn't have, you know, we didn't, had television and we just didn't watch it. And now it's like, you can't even avoid it. How do we help our kids who are actually struggling from anxiety and fear from all these stories that they're being bombarded by?
 
Carl Azuz (21:56.738)
That is an excellent question. The short answer again, I believe it's so important for parents and students, teens, children, whatever it might be, to converse, to talk about it. Open those lines of communication. Let them know if there's something that's bugging you, if there's something you're struggling with, talk to me about it. Feel like you can talk to me or another parent, a trusted aunt, whoever it might be. But first off, keep those lines of communication open. I think that's so important. And that's what we've seen.
 
In news, mean, I'm not a psychologist, but we've reported on so many of these psychological studies and they're always like converse and be able to have civil discussions with students. I think that's first and foremost. Another thing too is look at the news sources. If you have a highly partisan organization that's trying to drive people to, and I mean, they do this in the left and the right. So I'm not like picking on one side or another, but they'll try to drive people. to fear and get out there and vote or else they're gonna take away your right to do anything. mean, there's so much of that, so much fear mongering in mass media that I think, you one thing that we try to do on our show is, okay, you know, like Mr. Rogers used to say, look for the helpers. And I'm sorry if I've misquoted that, but the general sense is there. But to find out what's being done to remedy these different things. I remember, you know, when I was reporting on the early days of COVID. I mean, we were, we didn't want to terrify our audience. I my audience in news is very unique and we're looking at middle school students, high school students, it's international. And so I don't want to terrify them. I want to give them a sense of the fact that yeah, there are problems in the world, but there are people working on those problems. If it's big scale geopolitical upheaval, it might help them to hear, there are other countries involved trying to get Russia and Ukraine to have peace talks, Israel and Hamas to have peace talks. But also when it comes to some of these stories, whether it's a new disease that's spreading or something like that, I'm not looking to be a fear monger in this. I'm looking to give them knowledge of the fact that, look, there are people who are finding solutions. There are new medicines being tested out, new treatments being tested out. Some people stay at home, drink a lot of water and that's helping. Whatever it might be, I wanna make sure to include the fact that there are efforts being taken to address the problems they see. And hopefully that'll alleviate a little bit of that anxiety. I'm not saying that we should put trust in every solution that people have instantly as the one size fits all thing. But I think it's important for students to know when they hear about bad things happening, even if it's a plane crash because of a technical problem, what's being done about it? What does the company say? Is the government investigating? Are there efforts being made to solve this and keep it from happening again. I think hearing that, as we always try to include on the world from A to Z, is something that can help with that anxiety.
 
Dr. Cam (24:55.343)
I love that Carl and I think that is such a great way to shift it from blame, know, the blame and the worry and it's this person's fault and that person's fault and if they had done that too, how are we solving it? Which then it's even can go a little step further and it's like, well, how can we, what can the two of us, me and you, what can we do? Is there anything we can do about it? Is there any groups that we can support? Is there anyone we can donate to? Is there anything?
 
And now it turns into this proactive, have some control over something and I can do something towards the solution rather than just yelling at somebody that I think is to blame, which does nothing, right? And now I've got, I love that. That really creates that critical thinking. What else have I not asked that parents need to know about talking to kids about the news and being literate with the media?
Carl Azuz (25:52.31)
I mean, one thing I just, I always underscore is to just make sure that you are having those conversations. You do, as I mentioned, have more influence in so many cases than you think you do. And, you know, to encourage your student, look, if you see something on the news that troubles you, we can talk about it, but look for different perspectives on it. Look to see how different major news networks are covering topics.
 
And one thing I think that's kind of fun to do, especially when it comes to major news networks, and this is, you know, whether it's CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC, MSNBC, Fox News, whatever it might be, if you go online during a slow news day, there's not one big overarching international story, right? On a day when there's not a lot going on in the world, if you go online and you just click all the homepages, you can tell so much about these different news organizations and the stories that they prioritize tells you so much about where their leanings might be, where their priorities might be, what stories that they think people really ought to care about when there's not a big central event. And I think that that can help with students understanding students' media literacy, that these different networks bring different strengths and weaknesses to the table. I think that those are fascinating things. And I also think when it comes to news, and this is one thing I love about working on the world from A to Z is that it's not all politics. It's not all tragedy and war and gloom and doom and missing planes and horrible things. Yes. Well, in many cases it does. think, you I would argue for a student audience, you know, especially where teachers are the gatekeepers in a homeschool environment, parents are the gatekeepers. I would argue that they do want a variety. They want young people to see that there is a breadth.
 
Dr. Cam (27:25.495)
But that's what sells.
 
Carl Azuz (27:42.7)
to news that includes sometimes the news is some dude setting a Guinness World Record by bungee jumping off a bridge to dip a biscuit in tea. I mean, that was an actual Guinness World Record I reported on years ago. And so sometimes goofy things like that make news. Sometimes there's a dog that goes viral because it can't stop sneezing. And so like, you know, that's fun to look at. Sometimes there are events, you know, we've recovered a fashion show in a slum in Nigeria where the designer is like, I wanna open people's minds. I grew up in this slum. And now I wanna open people's minds up to the broader world. As a fashion designer, I'm able to have an outfit on the back of someone in a far flung place. And yet I'm showing that off right here in the slum where I grew up. We've had so many different international components and slice of life, cultural components that give students a sense of it's a big, broad, colorful world. And there are a lot of people doing things that might not directly impact laws in the United States and might not directly impact what you drive or the doctor you see or how you vote or whatever that might be, but they show you how people are coping. They show you how people are celebrating. They show you how people are interacting with each other. I think that's so important for students to see to have a well -rounded view of news and media in general. And also to kind of know that, you know, there are so many things going on outside our own bubble. And I think it's important for them to see that, that in some places, you know, well, there many countries where people aren't allowed to vote, or if they do, it's kind of rigged to begin with, okay, how are they coping? What are they doing? Do they have things they celebrate or festivals or, you know, events that they can get involved in? I think that a show that portrays all of that helps students just to kind of get outside their own community and their own locked mindset that we build around ourselves and to have hope.
 
Dr. Cam (29:41.525)
Yeah. I love that. And it gives them an opportunity to just widen their world perspective too, which makes us have more tolerance towards people that are different than us. And I think that's extremely important too, to see that and to balance because we do, if we just looked at the news and the stories, it would sound like the world is just shot and everyone is evil or weird. And that's scary, right? Instead of going, there's actually, that's a small percentage, hopefully, of what's going on. We're just focused on that, but there's so much more. Carl.
 
Carl Azuz (30:14.168)
Dr. Cam, I you raise a good point. And one thing I would add to that to kind of illustrate what we're talking about is in today's show, we had a story about Ukraine, obviously Ukraine and Russia being involved in a full scale war since 2022. And we can cover that big headline and many major media organizations will major on that headline, major on the violence, destruction and death and that sort of thing. We had a slice of life piece where Yes, we acknowledge that this has been going on and why it started and what different people say about it, but then it goes into students attending school underground. And what is that like? How are they coping? And obviously, how do you, there are no windows in the schools. They painted all the walls bright colors. They have teachers focusing and teachers teaching students, look, we have to do the best we can with what we have each day. This is it. This is a lesson. Let's focus on this. Let's learn. Let's get this education, despite the fact. that there might be bombs falling nearby above ground. It's an underground school. think just seeing that, seeing how people are coping in the worst of circumstances can hopefully inspire us in much better circumstances here in the United States where things are generally peaceful outside our doors. I think stories like that can make people grateful can help people see how others are coping, how other people, their lives are going on. They're still managing to get an education despite tremendous adversity they're facing in places like Ukraine or Afghanistan or anywhere else. And I think that just seeing that helps students get outside, maybe their comfort zone a little bit, but also, you know, the perspective they have every single day that, know what, maybe we should be grateful or this is better here or, you know,
 
Obviously we're mad about all these politics and all these other things. There are some people who have it worse and yet are still getting an education like I am. I think that does something for a student's perspective.
 
Dr. Cam (32:14.999)
It's so important to get a perspective like that too, because I think it's very easy to compare yourself to the person right next to you and you forget that there's so much more going on in the world where even the person next to you, you've got so much more than so many other people. And I think it's hard to get that perspective. Especially again, when you're following on social media and everyone has more than you, you start feeling like you have nothing, right? That's hard.
 
Carl Azuz (32:42.69)
Right, absolutely. We are in two places. Our homepage is worlda -z .org. And that's where I think the bulk of our viewership is at worlda -z .org. We encourage people, you you can sign up for a daily email that gives you a newsletter. It just gives you a preview of what's coming in each day's show. Any announcements we have, like if we're off the air for Labor Day or something like that, we let folks know. So that's where you can watch the show. You can sign up for the newsletter. You can request a shout out for your class.
 
Dr. Cam (32:43.691)
So how do we find your show?
 
Carl Azuz (33:12.938)
And then we're also on YouTube at youtube .com slash at the world A to Z. You need that little ad in there, but it's youtube .com slash at the world A to Z. And that's where people can also subscribe and watch there. And if they subscribe, they'll get the little notification when each new show posts. But that's where, you know, we'd love to see you. We'd love to get your feedback, which you can send us through our homepage. And we love to hear how people are watching and consuming the world from A to Z.
 
Dr. Cam (33:39.081)
I love it. I'm going to show that to my daughter who's actually a news junkie. She tells me what's going on in the world because I am not a news junkie. But doing that, but even having something where at the dinner table you just say, hey, what interesting story came up. That's not like who got the most strangest, bizarre or happy story or anything like that would be fun and kind of teach kids to dig a little bit deeper too than just the headline.
 
Carl Azuz (34:06.442)
Exactly. One of the most gratifying pieces of feedback I've received is that, you know, when students are watching our show, parents will come to us and say, my kid can discuss the news at the dinner table. My kid brought up an event that happened in some far flung place that we were able to discuss at the dinner table. That is an incredibly fulfilling thing that I'm grateful to have heard more than once. And I
 
You know, I'm excited to work on a show, grateful to work on a show like The World from A to Z that allows me to bring that to young people.
 
Dr. Cam (34:39.637)
That's great and such a better topic than how was school today. No kid wants to answer that question. Carl, thank you so much for joining us today. I really appreciate it.
 
Carl Azuz (34:44.11)
It's a start! It's a start!
 
Carl Azuz (34:53.89)
Dr. Cam, it's been a pleasure. Thank you and thank you for everything you're doing to help make things better. 
 
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together.
#ParentingTeens #MediaLiteracy #CriticalThinking #DrCamCaswell

Teen Self-Doubt: How to Help High-Achieving Teens Build Confidence

Is your high-achieving teen secretly battling self-doubt? 😔 Mental health expert Jason Phillips joins Dr. Cam—The Teen Translator—in this powerful episode to decode the hidden struggles of perfectionist teens. Learn how to support your teen without adding pressure, embrace failure as growth, and balance achievement with well-being. Get actionable strategies to build their confidence and foster a positive self-perception, as Jason and Dr. Cam unpack self-doubt, academic pressure, burnout, and teen anxiety.
 
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
Why embracing failure might be the best thing you can do for your teen’s growth.
How you can support your teen’s drive for success without adding to their stress.
What role parents play in teaching healthy self-care and boundaries to their teens.
 
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Failure is a Key Part of Growth: Allowing teens to experience failure in a supportive environment helps build resilience and emotional strength.
Model Healthy Boundaries: Parents need to show their teens how to balance work and rest to prevent burnout and foster healthy habits.
Validate, Don’t Solve: Instead of offering solutions right away, parents should listen and validate their teen’s feelings, which builds trust and connection.
Give Teens Agency: Empowering teens by encouraging them to make decisions and advocate for themselves promotes independence and self-confidence.
Maintain Your Own Identity: Parents should avoid losing themselves in their role as caregivers and should continue pursuing their own interests and well-being for a healthy family dynamic.
 
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW?
Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫 
🔔 Remember to hit Follow so you never miss another solution—packed episode! 🙌
 
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Free Confidence Guide: stepstoconfidence.com
Podcast: Peace and Prosperity Podcast (available on Apple, Spotify, and other podcast platforms)  
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Jason Phillips, LCSW
Website: jasonlphillips.com
Instagram: @JPhillipsMSW
 
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
TikTok: @the.teen.translator
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
Facebook: @DrCamCaswell
 
EPISODE CHAPTERS: 
00:00 Understanding Self-Doubt in High-Achieving Teens
05:09 The Role of Failure in Teen Growth and Resilience
10:38 Balancing Achievement, Rest, and Mental Health for Teens
15:06 Building Teen Confidence and Self-Worth: Practical Strategies
20:11 The Pressure on High-Achieving Parents and Its Impact on Teens
25:34 Navigating Parental Involvement in High-Achieving Teens’ Lives
30:20 Modeling Healthy Behaviors for Teens: Leading by Example
35:39 Encouraging Positive Self-Perception and Self-Esteem in Teens
 
About the Show:
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together. #theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #parentingteenswithdrcam
 
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Dr. Cam: Welcome back, parents! Today, we're diving into how to support high-achieving teens through self-doubt and burnout. Many teens push themselves to the limit but still feel like they aren't measuring up, even though their parents see their amazing potential. It's frustrating when parents try to help, but their words seem to have the opposite effect. To help us unpack this, I’ve invited Jason Phillips, a therapist and mental health expert who specializes in guiding high achievers to overcome self-doubt and build real confidence. Jason has worked with Fortune 500 companies, law firms, and universities, and today he’s here to help us understand how to support our teens through perfectionism. Welcome, Jason!
Jason Phillips: Thanks for having me, Dr. Cam. I'm excited to have this conversation!
Dr. Cam: So, Jason, tell us about your journey. How did you end up focusing on helping high achievers?
Jason Phillips: It really happened organically. After graduating from the University of Michigan, I worked with military populations at the Ann Arbor VA and later served as the clinic chief at Fort Bragg. Over time, I noticed that corporate executives and leaders were drawn to my approach because I specialize in helping them overcome anxiety. That led me to helping high achievers break free from self-doubt and build confidence.
Dr. Cam: That’s amazing. It’s so ironic that high achievers often struggle with self-doubt. From the outside, they seem so confident, yet many of them are riddled with anxiety. I see this a lot with the teens I work with, too. They’re getting straight A’s and excelling, but they still feel like they’re not enough. Their parents tell me that no matter how much they express their love and support, it doesn’t seem to help. So, where do you think this drive for achievement comes from?
Jason Phillips: A lot of it comes from external pressures—parents, teachers, peers. I can relate to that pressure myself. I was a high achiever growing up, constantly pushed to excel. While straight A's were celebrated, they came with their own anxiety, because I felt like I couldn’t ever drop below that standard. External pressures, even from well-meaning sources like teachers and family, can make teens feel like they have to be perfect. That’s often where the self-doubt begins.
Dr. Cam: That’s such an important point. Parents want to encourage their teens and help them live up to their potential, but the way they say things can sometimes have the opposite effect. How can parents motivate their teens without adding pressure?
Jason Phillips: The key is to make room for failure. When we constantly tell our teens how great they are, they might think anything less than perfection means they’re failing. Allowing them to fail is essential, as it helps them see that mistakes are just part of the learning process. They need to understand that not being perfect doesn’t mean they’re not enough.
Dr. Cam: I love that. It’s one thing to allow failure, but I try to encourage my teen to embrace it. The idea is that failing at something difficult means you’re pushing beyond your comfort zone, which is where true growth happens. So, it’s not about being perfect; it’s about challenging yourself and learning from those challenges. What do you think about that approach?
Jason Phillips: Absolutely. Embracing failure is one of the best ways to help teens develop resilience. By pushing themselves outside their comfort zone, they’ll encounter setbacks, but that’s where growth truly occurs. It’s about focusing on what you tried, not just whether you succeeded or failed.
Dr. Cam: Exactly! And that mindset shift can make all the difference. Thanks so much for sharing this insight, Jason. It’s such a helpful perspective for parents trying to support their teens.
Jason Phillips: I don't know if you're into exercise or weightlifting, Dr. Cam, but there's this term where you'll ask, how many reps are we doing? Ten, twenty? And sometimes it's until failure, which means pushing yourself until you can't anymore.
Jason Phillips: Because we know that's when the growth happens. It's not in staying in a comfort zone. I want you to push yourself to failure until you just can't do anymore.
Jason Phillips: And then we've got kids who are constantly pushing themselves and never feel like it's enough. How do we balance that, where it's okay to be just okay and not amazing at everything? How do we communicate that without making them feel like we just think they're okay?
Jason Phillips: It goes back to balance. As much as we want to push to failure, we also need time for rest. We can't just go, go, go, or we'll get exhausted and burned out. We need to carve out time to relax, watch TV, play video games, or sleep in.
Jason Phillips: Make sure you're not just filling your calendar with things you have to do. You can put so much on there and never feel done.
Dr. Cam: I want to emphasize that because I see a lot of parents who don't understand why their kids feel that way, but when you look at their schedules, they're packed. Every time the kids try to relax or scroll through TikTok, they hear, "You're being unproductive."
Dr. Cam: You can't do that. If you have time for that, you have time for this. You should be doing this, doing that. We have this belief that we need to be productive 24/7, and that’s exhausting. It leads to burnout. We need to prioritize sleeping in and taking naps. Why is that so hard for us to prioritize?
Jason Phillips: For high achievers, it’s almost like feeling guilty—what am I missing or not doing? You're good at so many things, but just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. We need to incorporate rest, too. Parents need to be mindful and let kids pick a couple of things, but not everything.
Jason Phillips: Parents really have to model that same confidence and boundaries. If mom and dad are constantly stretched thin, saying yes to everything, how can we expect our kids to do otherwise? When we model it, it's much easier for them to follow.
Dr. Cam: Yeah, modeling is huge. And when we see our kids doing different things, we often need to look in the mirror and ask, "What are we modeling?" Often parents say, "My teen is amazing, but they have no self-esteem. They think they're not good at anything." How do we help them see their value when anything we say gets an eye roll?
Jason Phillips: One thing I encourage is asking your teen what they could help someone else do. How could they mentor someone younger? That often builds genuine self-confidence. The second thing is to give less advice. Instead, listen more to figure out where the disconnect is.
Dr. Cam: That’s so important and one of the hardest things for parents because we have so much wisdom to share, and we finally have an audience—but they don’t want to hear it. It’s frustrating.
Dr. Cam: Instead of getting frustrated, be thrilled that your kid feels confident enough to figure it out on their own. That’s a plus! So, what do you think about asking your teen for advice?
Jason Phillips: Yeah, it’s a huge plus. It builds trust. When you ask your teen for advice, it shows them that their thoughts are valued. It lets them know they have something insightful to add to the conversation. Teens probably have a lot of wisdom we’re not tapping into, and by listening to their advice and implementing it, it does wonders for them.
Dr. Cam (15:06.54) The ability to not have to be right all the time as a parent is a real strength. I talk to kids who say, "My parents would rather die than admit they're wrong." That behavior is modeling the very fear our kids have: that you have to win.
Jason Phillips (15:39.395) It gives them a voice. When we listen to our kids and ask for their input and follow what they say, it lets them know that what they say matters.
Dr. Cam (16:07.726) Yeah, that is so key, and we don't have to agree with it.
Jason Phillips (16:12.051) No, we don’t have to. It can start small—asking, "What do you want to eat?" or "What movie should we watch?" Not always having to control everything.
Dr. Cam (16:22.595) Yeah, giving them a lot of agency is really important. Parents often say, "If I don't micromanage, they won’t do as well, and that hurts their self-esteem." But when you put the responsibility back on them, they understand they have to do things for themselves.
Jason Phillips (16:59.755) It’s about building confidence. I remember my mom telling me to ask the teacher for help or ask a waiter questions. At the time, it was nerve-wracking, but it helped me advocate for myself.
Dr. Cam (18:08.974) That's something really big with my daughter too. She has always been part of the conversation and voiced her thoughts, which has helped her value what she says.
Jason Phillips (18:24.503) Right here.
Dr. Cam (18:37.512) She’s very good at advocating for herself now. It took time, but it’s made a difference. When we say stepping back will hurt their self-confidence, it’s managing our own fears about how they’re feeling.
Jason Phillips (19:12.683) Right. When you let them fail and be themselves, you're not coddling them but allowing them to learn on their own.
Dr. Cam (19:50.862) Let’s talk about high-achieving teens and parents. There's a lot of pressure on parents to be high achievers too.
Jason Phillips (20:11.413) Parents are often juggling too much—work, clubs, and kids’ extracurriculars—and then feel exhausted. They may not realize they’re not modeling what they want for their kids.
Dr. Cam (20:14.894) What do you see with that?
Jason Phillips (20:40.885) They don’t set boundaries and end up feeling burned out. When you look at their lives, they’re involved in everything—president of clubs, treasurer in groups. But they don’t have time to give 100%. They can’t model balance when they’re overwhelmed.
Dr. Cam (21:42.358) Right. And parents often say, "My kid won’t do it," when it comes to sharing responsibilities. That’s another topic, but it’s important.
Jason Phillips (21:54.903) Absolutely.
Dr. Cam (22:10.378) There’s this belief that parents need to push, push, push, and kids should adopt that mentality too. Where does that mentality come from?
Jason Phillips (22:27.287) It’s not healthy. Kids can only handle so much, and when they push back, they may act out. As adults, we can manage our emotions better, but kids don't always have the tools to do that.
Dr. Cam (23:24.856) Right, we can’t make up for our past by pushing our kids to do what we didn’t get to do at their age.
Jason Phillips (23:25.259) Exactly. Kids shouldn’t be expected to live out our unfulfilled dreams.
Dr. Cam (24:01.046) It’s unfair because parents are taking over their kids’ lives and not letting them live their own.
Jason Phillips (24:16.405) I spoke to an adult who said their parent was so overbearing with their golf that it hurt their experience. Parents were living out their dreams through their kids, and it wasn’t healthy.
Dr. Cam (24:56.27) Yeah, it's tough to know where to draw the line between being involved and overstepping. How do we balance caring and supporting without taking over their lives?
Jason Phillips: You can show up, but you don't have to show out. Be present for your kid’s activities, listen when they share their day, whether it's good or bad, but don't try to solve all of their issues. Overstepping happens when you try to be a part of their team or get overly involved in things at school. We’re the adults—we’ve lived through our teenage years, and they’re different from now. Step back and give them space. If you smother them, it could cause problems, even bullying.
Dr. Cam: Yeah, it’s really tough. I think when we’re high achievers ourselves, we tend to extend that expectation to our kids. As parents, we see their successes as ours. So, if our kids aren’t high-achieving, straight-A, go-go-go kids, how do we not feel like we’re not pushing them hard enough?
Jason Phillips: I always tell people to run your own race and stay in your own lane. Think of a track race—everyone has their own lane. If you’re looking over at someone else, you can trip up or slow down. Focus on what’s in front of you, and feel good about it. Comparing yourself and reflecting on what you didn’t do gets you into dangerous territory. Stay in your lane, run your race, and be proud of it.
Dr. Cam: Yeah, staying in your lane—not just with other parents, but with your teen too. Let them run their race and cheer them on, but let them do their own thing, right?
Jason Phillips: Exactly. Think back to when we were younger and our parents would comment on our music or clothes. We’d get upset, thinking they were outdated. Now, here we are, and sometimes I feel like I don’t get the music anymore. My wife teases me about it, and I admit, I’m outdated.
Dr. Cam: Right, and that’s the thing. When we’re focused on what our teens are doing, we can lose focus on how we’re showing up for them.
Jason Phillips: Yeah, sometimes we focus too much on living through our kids. We forget that we also need to live our own lives. When we’re confident in our careers, relationships, and identity outside of being parents, we model that for our kids. They’ll see that being a parent doesn’t mean sacrificing everything else in life. Some parents lose their social life, prayer life, and sense of self once they have kids. That’s not healthy for either the parent or the child.
Dr. Cam: Right, kids don’t want you around all the time. If you’re overbearing, you risk creating an enmeshed relationship.
Jason Phillips: Exactly. Kids need their space, too.
Dr. Cam: Yeah, and one of the best things is when my daughter tells me, “I’m so proud of you, mom, for what you’re doing.” It’s a reminder that we’re both cheering each other on, doing our own things, rather than being too enmeshed.
Jason Phillips: Yeah, it’s great when both of you are thriving in your own ways.
Dr. Cam: Right, and some parents might feel they don’t have time for their own activities. But I always tell them: stop micromanaging your teen and spend some of that time doing something fun for yourself. You’ll enjoy it, and your teen will appreciate it too.
Jason Phillips: Exactly. Pick one thing you used to love doing—whether it’s dancing, bowling, or reading—and do it. Show your teen that you have interests outside of them. You’ll become more interesting to them, and they’ll see you as a well-rounded person, not just a parent.
Dr. Cam: Yeah, it makes you more interesting, and they’ll want to talk to you more because you have something unique to share. Kids don’t want to talk about their stuff with parents all the time—it gets tough.
Dr. Cam: One last question. If a teen is constantly putting themselves down—saying things like, “I can’t do this, I’m not good at this”—how do we respond as parents?
Jason Phillips: Yeah, that’s tough.
Jason Phillips (32:56.663): Before we start giving them positive affirmations, I want us to build a stronger connection with that teen. You want them to be able to really open up to you and trust you. You want to be that safe space. Let me share the LOVE acronym. If a teen is constantly putting themselves down, first, listen.
The L is for listen. Listen to what they're saying because there may be some disconnect. If they say they're not good at something, you can highlight all the awards and trophies, but you can’t do that first without listening. Be objective. Don’t put so much pressure on what they're saying. Don’t judge whether it’s bad or good. Listen objectively and have a neutral space.
The V is for validate. You want to validate their feelings and thoughts. If they feel a certain way, don’t try to immediately take it away or say it's nonsense. Maybe they’re having a hard day or feeling insecure. Validate that with empathy.
Once you do that, they’ll be in a place where they can be more vulnerable, and then you can point out what they’re missing. They might be putting a lot of pressure on themselves and thinking they're not enough.
Dr. Cam (33:43.278): That’s so key. A lot of parents immediately respond with, "What do you mean? Yes, you are! You can do this. Look at all the awards!" They’re trying to give evidence that it’s not true. But what happens is they completely invalidate what the teen is saying, which often leads to the teen thinking, "You have to say that because you're my parent."
If your teen says something like that or rolls their eyes, it’s a sign you need to go to the LOVE approach.
Jason Phillips (34:52.022): Exactly. If someone immediately tries to combat what I say, I'll get defensive. For example, if you tell me, "Jason, that shirt is the best shirt I've ever seen," I’d probably say, "No, it's not. I have better ones." High achievers are often not great at accepting compliments. We point out our imperfections.
Dr. Cam (35:28.396): That brings up another point. Many people mistake humility for putting themselves down. We're taught that the proper way to talk about ourselves is to put ourselves down. This creates a cycle of low self-esteem. How do we help teens see the good in themselves without making them feel like they’re becoming egotistical?
Jason Phillips (36:35.413): Two things I would suggest: First, understand where it’s coming from. For instance, if you hear your child say something like, "I'm so stupid" or "I keep messing up," ask them, "What makes you say that?" Help them walk through how they arrived at that conclusion. Don’t dismiss their feelings; instead, try to understand the reasoning behind it.
Secondly, encourage them to practice saying good things about themselves. It’s like an elevator pitch where they get to talk about themselves in a positive way. We're often uncomfortable because we’ve never been taught to do it. We're so used to others speaking highly of us, but we haven’t taken the time to say something positive about ourselves. It's not bragging; it's just being honest.
Dr. Cam (38:27.426): That’s so important. Instead of saying, "I'm proud of you," I say, "You must be so proud of yourself." The focus is on them feeling proud of their own achievements, not just making me proud. This helps them take ownership of their success.
Jason Phillips (38:33.495): It’s the idea of, "I want you to take care of you for me, and I’ll take care of me for you."
Dr. Cam (39:03.671): That’s a great way to end. Parents, that's beautiful advice. Jason, how can people find you?
Jason Phillips (39:13.089): They can find me on all social platforms at @JPhillipsMSW. My website is jasonlphillips.com. I also have a free confidence guide at stepstoconfidence.com, and they can listen to my podcast, the Peace and Prosperity podcast, available on Apple, Spotify, and wherever you listen to podcasts.
Dr. Cam (39:25.792): Thank you so much for joining us today, Jason.
Jason Phillips (39:47.72): Thanks, Dr. Cam. Appreciate you having me.
 
 
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