Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam

Supporting Your Teen Through Love, Heartbreak, and All the Feels

When your teen falls in love for the first time—or goes through their first heartbreak—it can be emotional for everyone. You want to protect them, guide them, and maybe even stop them from getting hurt. But if you're not careful, your good intentions can push them away. In this episode, I’m joined by journalist, professor, and fellow mom Lisa A. Phillips, author of First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak. Lisa shares powerful insight from her personal and professional journey helping teens—and parents—navigate the emotional rollercoaster of young love. If you’re wondering how to talk to your teen about dating, heartbreak, or those “red flag” relationships without causing shutdown or secrecy, this conversation is a must-listen.
 
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
Why teens hide their relationships—and how to keep the conversation open
How to support your teen through their first heartbreak without minimizing their pain
What to say when you’re worried about who your teen is dating
How sharing your relationship experiences can actually help your teen make better choices
 
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Validation builds trust: When your teen opens up about a relationship, resist the urge to fix it. Just listen first.
Judgment shuts teens down: Even one negative comment can drive their dating life underground.
Ask, don’t assume: “Dating” might just mean texting or walking to class together—so ask what it means to them.
Help them reflect, not rebel: Instead of telling them who not to date, ask how that person makes them feel.
Model real-life lessons: You don’t have to be perfect—just honest. Your own dating history can be a powerful teaching tool.
 
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support!  
🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode!  
 
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak by Lisa A. Phillips 🛒 Use Discount Code: RLFANDF30 for 30% off 🔗 Buy the book here
 
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Lisa A. Phillips
Website: lisaamyphillips.com
Instagram: @lisaamyphillips18
Facebook: lisa.a.phillips.73
LinkedIn: lisa-a-phillips-978a78124
 
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
TikTok: @the.teen.translator
Facebook: @DrCamCaswell
 
EPISODE CHAPTERS
00:00 Navigating Teen Relationships: A New Era 02:57 Understanding Parental Fears in Teen Dating 06:03 The Importance of Validating Teen Emotions 09:09 Setting Boundaries: When Teens Want to Date 11:55 Over-Enmeshment: Balancing Relationships and Independence 14:50 Building Self-Worth Beyond Romantic Attention 17:56 Handling Unfavorable Partners: A Delicate Approach 24:22 Navigating Difficult Conversations with Teens 27:33 Understanding Teen Relationships and Parental Influence 30:19 Conflict Resolution in Teen Relationships 33:19 Coping with Breakups: Supporting Teens in Pain 36:59 The Importance of Reflection and Growth 40:19 First Loves: Shaping Future Relationships
 
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together.
#parentingteens #teenrelationships

Setting Boundaries Your Teen Will Actually Respect

If setting boundaries with your teen feels like trying to nail Jell-O to a wall—you’re not alone. In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, I sit down with Matilda Gosling, social scientist and author of Teenagers: The Evidence Base, to break down the science behind boundary-setting that actually works. No more power struggles. No more guessing games. Just real, research-backed strategies to help you protect your teen and prepare them for the real world.
Matilda brings both the data and the empathy, helping parents understand where to draw the line, when to back off, and how to keep the relationship strong while doing it. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Am I being too strict? Too lenient?”—this episode is your answer.
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
Why boundaries help teens feel safe, not smothered
How to focus on the rules that really matter (and ditch the ones that don’t)
The difference between control and influence—and why one actually works
How to set your own boundaries without feeling guilty or selfish
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Prioritize the big stuff: Health, safety, and emotional well-being come first. Let go of the small battles.
Your boundaries matter too: You’re allowed to have limits—and your teen needs to see them.
Respect their privacy: Snooping leads to secrets. Trust builds openness.
Explain, don’t dictate: When teens understand the why, they’re more likely to follow through.
Mistakes are part of the process: Boundaries aren’t about perfection—they’re about growth.
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫
🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌
 
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Matilda Gosling's Substack (Sign up to get a free PDF Q&A on teen mental health!)
Book: Teenagers: The Evidence Base by Matilda Gosling
Book: The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt
 
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Matilda Gosling
Website: matildagosling.substack.com
Instagram: @matilda.gosling
LinkedIn: Matilda Gosling
X/Twitter: @matildagosling
 
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
TikTok: @the.teen.translator
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
Facebook: @DrCamCaswell
 
EPISODE CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Teen Boundaries 02:59 The Importance of Independence 05:48 Defining Boundaries vs. Rules 09:04 Negotiating Boundaries with Teens 12:02 Common Mistakes Parents Make 15:02 The Role of Safetyism 18:08 Respecting Teen Privacy 20:56 Identifying Important Boundaries 23:46 Setting Parental Boundaries 27:06 The Importance of Modeling Behavior 29:57 Navigating Emotional Responses 32:49 Final Thoughts on Boundaries
 
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together.
#theteentranslator #parentingteenswithdrcam #teenboundaries #parentingteens

Real Talk: 3 Moms Share What Finally Worked to Reconnect with Their Teens

In this powerful and heartfelt episode, Dr. Cam sits down with three courageous moms—Heather, Lara, and Maria—who open up about the emotional rollercoaster of raising teens through tough issues like self-harm, emotional regulation struggles, vaping, and academic burnout. These women, all members of Dr. Cam’s Inner Circle, share what it was like before they found support, and how everything changed when they stopped trying to control their teens and started learning how to truly connect. If you’re feeling frustrated, scared, or unsure how to help your teen without pushing them away, this episode offers real hope and practical guidance from parents who’ve been there.
 
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
How to reconnect with your teen when communication has broken down
Why letting go of control can strengthen your relationship with your teenager
The impact of emotional regulation challenges on teen behavior—and how to respond
What a supportive parenting community can do for your confidence and peace of mind
 
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Letting go of control builds trust and makes space for connection with your teen
Choosing one parenting value helps guide consistent, intentional responses
Allowing natural consequences helps teens learn from experience without constant lecturing
Empathetic listening without jumping in to fix builds emotional safety
Having a parenting support group offers relief, encouragement, and real-life strategies
 
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW?
Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫
🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌
 
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Dr. Cam's Inner Circle - A weekly support group for parents of teenagers where they can share challenges, learn strategies, and receive guidance from Dr. Cam and other parents. Join us at: https://www.askdrcam.com/innercircle
 
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
TikTok: @the.teen.translator
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
Facebook: @DrCamCaswell
 
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together. #theteentranslator #drcam #parentingteensupport #reconnectwithyourteen

Teen Friendships: How Peer Pressure Really Works—and What Parents Must Know

Worried about the impact your teen’s friends are having on them? You’re not alone—and it’s not as simple as “good” or “bad” peer pressure. In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, I sit down with peer influence expert Dr. Brett Laursen to unpack how friendships actually shape teen behavior (often for the better!) and how parents can stay influential without being controlling. Dr. Laursen, who has decades of research tracking teen friendships across multiple countries, shares surprising insights that can help you guide your teen through the tricky world of social dynamics, middle school transitions, and online influence. If you’ve ever wondered, "Am I losing my teen to their friends?" — this conversation is a must-listen.
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
Why peer pressure isn't always a bad thing and can actually drive positive behavior in teens
How to stay relevant as a parent even when friends seem to have more influence
What to do (and NOT do) if you're worried about your teen's friends
How online and real-world friendships impact vulnerable teens differently
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Friendship first, influence second: Teens choose friends who are similar to them, not the other way around.
Middle school changes everything: The shift from adult-centered to peer-centered social life demands a new parenting approach.
Stay connected, don't compete: Your teen needs a supportive parent, not a rival for attention.
Opportunities, not ultimatums: Help your teen find better friendships by fostering their interests, not forcing social changes.
Humanize yourself: Teens respect advice more when they see you as a real person, not just an authority figure.
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW?
Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫
🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌
 
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Dr. Brett Laursen
Website: https://www.fau.edu/science/psychology/laursen-lab/
Email: laursen@fau.edu
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
Facebook: @DrCamCaswell
EPISODE CHAPTERS
00:00 Understanding Peer Pressure in Teens 03:01 The Dual Nature of Peer Influence 05:46 Navigating Friendships: The Parent's Dilemma 08:53 The Shift to Peer-Driven Social Structures 12:12 The Importance of Positive Relationships 15:10 Managing Friendships: When to Intervene 18:12 Supporting Kids Who Struggle to Make Friends 21:08 The Role of Online Influences 23:54 Building Trust and Communication with Teens 27:01 Humanizing Parental Relationships 29:55 Final Thoughts on Peer Influence and Parenting
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together.
#theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #teenpeerpressure #parentingteenfriendships

Grieving a Child: A Mother's Journey of Healing and Hope After Suicide Loss

When you lose a child, everything changes. In this powerful episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, we meet Kristen Schindler, a courageous mother who shares her journey through the devastating loss of her 21-year-old son, Gavin, to suicide. Kristin opens up about navigating grief while parenting her other children, how undiagnosed physical and mental health issues played a hidden role, and the steps she’s taken to find healing, hope, and purpose.
If you're a parent terrified of missing warning signs or struggling to support a grieving family, Kristen’s story reminds us that love alone can't shield our kids from life's hardest battles—and that healing, while messy, is possible. This conversation offers real tools, deep compassion, and hope for anyone touched by loss.
Kristen Schindler is a passionate advocate for suicide awareness, a mother of faith, and a living example of resilience. Through her story, she helps other parents navigate the unimaginable with grace, honesty, and strength.
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
Why even the most attentive parents can’t always predict or prevent teen suicide
How hidden physical health issues (like undiagnosed heart problems) can impact mental health
Why “grief masking” hurts more than it helps—and how to truly process loss
How to create new family traditions that honor lost loved ones and foster healing
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
You can be a great parent and still face unimaginable loss: Kristen’s story removes shame and blame from grief.
Physical health affects mental health: Undiagnosed conditions can silently worsen depression and anxiety.
Grief isn't linear or tidy: Healing doesn't follow a timeline—and that's normal.
"Grief masking" backfires: Hiding your pain for others' comfort only deepens long-term wounds.
Honoring loved ones through new traditions brings hope: Small acts of kindness can keep memories alive and help families heal together.
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW?
Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫
🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Free Space for Grace Workbook
Gavin’s Celebration of Life Tribute Watch on YouTube
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Kristen Schindler
Website: www.kristenleeschindler.com
Facebook: @kristen.schindler.3
Instagram: @all.the.things.kls
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristen-schindler-2a8b755/
YouTube: @kristenschindler9786e
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
TikTok: @the.teen.translator
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
Facebook: @DrCamCaswell
EPISODE CHAPTERS:
00:00 Navigating Grief: A Personal Journey 03:02 The Impact of Loss on Family Dynamics 06:04 Understanding Mental Health Challenges 08:58 The Role of Faith in Healing 11:59 The Complexity of Grief and Healing 15:00 Lessons Learned from Loss 18:14 The Importance of Open Communication 21:04 Finding Joy Amidst Grief 23:59 Empowering Parents in the Face of Loss 32:06 Navigating Grief and Loss 34:55 The Impact of Addiction on Families 37:04 Finding Purpose in Pain 39:54 The Importance of Community and Support 43:14 Transforming Grief into Empathy 48:00 Honoring Loved Ones Through Kindness 52:39 Lessons for Parents in Grief
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together. #theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #parentingteenswithdrcam
#grievingaparent #suicidelossawareness

Sibling Rivalry, Birth Order & Fairness Fights: What Every Parent of Teens Needs to Know

Ever feel like your kids are growing up in totally different households—even though they share the same last name and dinner table? Your oldest follows all the rules, your middle child avoids conflict like it’s their full-time job, and your youngest? Total chaos with a side of charm.
In this episode, Dr. Cam sits down with Dr. Kelly Jameson, a therapist, speaker, and expert on birth order psychology and sibling dynamics, to decode what’s really going on behind your kids’ clashing personalities—and what to do when fairness feels impossible. If you’ve ever second-guessed how you parent each child (spoiler: you're not imagining it), this episode is packed with eye-opening truths and practical solutions.
 
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
How birth order shapes your teen’s personality and behavior
Why sibling rivalry is normal—and how to handle it without picking sides
What “fair” parenting really looks like (and why it’s not the same for every child)
How to parent your firstborn, middle, and youngest without losing your mind
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Birth order isn’t just theory—it deeply influences how each child behaves, connects, and competes
Sibling rivalry often stems from a fight for limited parental attention—not bad behavior
Fairness in parenting means meeting each child where they are developmentally, not treating them identically
Older siblings shouldn’t be forced to parent younger ones—it breeds resentment, not responsibility
Creating rituals, one-on-one time, and shared experiences helps reduce tension and build sibling bonds
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW?
Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫
🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌
 
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Dr. Kelly Jameson’s Website
 
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Dr. Kelly Jameson
Website: drkellyjameson.comInstagram: @drkellyjameson
 
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.comInstagram: @DrCamCaswellYouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. CamFacebook: @DrCamCaswell
 
EPISODE CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Birth Order Dynamics06:11 Sibling Rivalry and Parental Attention08:47 Navigating Fairness in Parenting12:38 Intervening in Sibling Conflicts18:05 Supporting Siblings Through Challenges20:39 The Dynamics of Sibling Relationships24:49 Navigating Sibling Rivalry and Conflict29:36 Understanding Birth Order and Its Impact32:35 Tailoring Parenting Strategies by Birth Order39:45 Key Takeaways for Parents
 
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together.
#birthorderpsychology #siblingrivalrytips

Digital Detox Strategies That Actually Work (Even With Stubborn Teens)

Tired of fighting over screen time with your teen?  Then this episode is for you. Dr. Cam sits down with digital wellness expert Nicole Rawson, founder of Screen Time Clinic, to tackle one of today’s biggest parenting challenges: teen screen addiction. 
Nicole shares why traditional limits don’t work anymore, how to spot warning signs early, and what a real digital detox looks like (hint: it’s not just unplugging the Wi-Fi). 
If you're ready to take back control, reconnect with your teen, and restore peace in your home, don’t miss this conversation.
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
How excessive screen time rewires your teen’s brain and behavior
Why some teens are more sensitive to screen addiction than others
What actually works when a teen is addicted to their phone or gaming
How to do a digital detox with your teen instead of against them
 
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Complete digital detox is more effective than moderation for addicted teens
Structure and planning are essential for a successful screen break
Withdrawal is a red flag—not just “normal teen stuff”
Parents must model healthy digital habits to help their teens reset
Replacing screen time with meaningful, engaging activities is key to long-term success
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫
🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌
 
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Reset Your Child’s Brain by Dr. Victoria Dunckley
ScreenTimeClinic.com
Free Digital Detox Newsletter & Guide
 
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Nicole Rawson
Website: ScreenTimeClinic.com
Instagram: @screentimeclinic
 
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
TikTok: @the.teen.translator
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
Facebook: @DrCamCaswell
 
EPISODE CHAPTERS
00:00 Understanding Screen Time Concerns 03:04 The Impact of Screen Time on Teens 05:53 Identifying Sensitivity to Digital Media 08:54 Implementing Digital Detox Strategies 12:00 Navigating Resistance from Teens 15:02 Recognizing Signs of Addiction 18:12 Healthy Coping Mechanisms for Teens 26:54 The Impact of Screen Time on Family Dynamics 31:10 Understanding Teen Addiction to Screens 36:49 Building Healthy Structures for Teens 41:54 The Role of Parents in Digital Detox
 
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together.
#screentime #digitaldetox #parentingteens #theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #parentingteenswithdrcam

How to Help Your Teen Overcome Gaming Addiction: Proven Strategies

In this compelling episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, host Dr. Cam interviews Cam Adair, the founder of Game Quitters and a renowned expert in gaming addiction recovery. Drawing from his own experience as a teen who once played video games for 16 hours a day, Cam shares invaluable insights that every parent needs to hear. This episode tackles the pressing concerns parents have about their teens' gaming habits and provides practical, actionable strategies to help foster a healthy relationship with gaming. 
 
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
Understanding the spectrum of gaming addiction and how it affects teens.
Effective communication strategies to engage your teen about gaming.
Practical tips for fostering a balanced relationship with gaming.
The importance of family values in guiding discussions around gaming behavior.
 
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Recognize Gaming Disorder: Understand the criteria defined by the World Health Organization to identify gaming addiction.
Focus on Overall Functioning: Assess your teen's engagement in school, friendships, and family activities beyond just gaming hours.
Create Safe Communication Spaces: Have important conversations outside the home or away from gaming devices to ensure openness.
Educate Yourself on Games: Learn about the games your teen plays to set realistic expectations and boundaries.
Facilitate Smooth Transitions: Allow your teen time to decompress after gaming before switching to other activities.
 
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW?
Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫
🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌
 
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Game Quitters: A comprehensive resource for parents and teens dealing with gaming issues
Cam Adair's TEDx Talk
 
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Cam Adair
Instagram: @GameQuitters
Facebook: Game Quitters
LinkedIn: Cam Adair
X: @GameQuitters
YouTube: Game Quitters
 
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
TikTok: @the.teen.translator
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
Facebook: @DrCamCaswell
 
EPISODE CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Gaming Addiction03:01 The Spectrum of Gaming Behavior06:00 Identifying Healthy vs. Problematic Gaming08:58 Finding Balance in Gaming11:59 Effective Communication with Teens15:05 Navigating Power Struggles18:08 Building Family Values Around Gaming21:09 Collaborative Solutions for Gaming Limits24:09 Setting Up for Healthy Gaming Habits26:45 Transitioning from Gaming to Other Activities30:00 Handling Meltdowns Over Gaming Limits33:03 Encouraging Exploration Beyond Gaming36:00 Modeling Healthy Tech Use38:51 Resources for Parents and Final Thoughts
 
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together.
#theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #parentingteenswithdrcam #GamingAddiction #TeenParenting

The #1 Secret to Getting Your Teen Into a Top College (It’s Not GPA!)

In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, college admissions coach Dyllen Nellis reveals the secret to crafting standout college applications—authentic storytelling. Forget obsessing over GPAs—top schools want students who can articulate their core values, intellectual curiosity, and unique experiences. Dyllen shares expert strategies to help your teen write compelling essays, develop passion projects, and stand out in a competitive admissions landscape—without parental hovering.
 
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
Why authenticity matters more than perfect essays
How to help your teen find their unique story
The role of passion projects in top college applications
The right way to support your teen—without taking over
 
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Story Over Stats – Grades alone won’t get your teen into top schools. Their story and values matter more.
Authenticity Wins – Admissions officers can spot fake or forced narratives. Encourage honesty.
Passion Projects Stand Out – Schools want students who create real impact through their interests.
Curiosity is Key – Support your teen’s genuine interests instead of pushing “impressive” activities.
Guide, Don’t Hover – Give your teen space to explore, make mistakes, and develop their own voice.
 
❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW?Don’t keep it to yourself! Share this episode and leave a rating & review. Your support helps other parents find expert advice to help their teens thrive.
 
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Free Masterclass: The Top School Admissions Formula
Dyllen’s Website: NextGen Admit
 
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Dyllen Nellis
Instagram: @nextgenadmit
YouTube: Dyllen Nellis
TikTok: @nextgenadmit
LinkedIn: Dyllen Nellis
 
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
TikTok: @the.teen.translator
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Dr. Cam (00:00.942)
Hey parents, Dr. Cam here. College admissions are no joke, trust me. I'm right in the thick of it with my own teen and it is stressful. And if you're like most parents, you're probably think that the GPA and your test scores are the golden ticket to getting into the top school. But what if I told you they're not the most important things? In this episode, I'm joined by Dyllen Nellis, a college admissions coach and founder of NextGen Admin who helps students craft applications that make them stand out beyond just grades. After getting accepted to every single school she applied to, including Stanford, yes, parents, she now helps students around the world to do the same. So we're gonna talk about the number one thing that gives your teens a competitive edge. You wanna hear it? Keep listening, welcome Dylan.
 
Dyllen Nellis (00:52.595)
Thank you for having me.
 
Dr. Cam (00:54.698)
This is such a hot topic, especially now. I know right now my daughter's waiting back to hear back from school. She's hearing from schools and a lot of juniors are in that like frantic mode of, my gosh, grades, grades, grades, grades, grades, building my resume. Why are you telling us that's not the most important thing?
 
Dyllen Nellis (01:16.501)
Well, I think people are so focused on grades, especially parents, you know, when putting a lot of pressure on their kids to do well in school. That's a very normal thing. And it is important, yes, to have good grades, but they are not the thing that's going to help you stand out at a top school, especially, you know, I know a lot of people are really excited about hopefully getting into a really competitive school. That's what I help people do. And what they have to understand is that the people applying to those schools will have those top grades and top test scores. Maybe not perfect, so you don't have to be ultra perfect in terms of grades and scores. the thing is, it's not going to be like, what's the difference between you and some other kid who has the same exact score? So the stats don't show the admissions officers who you are as a person or what you're going to contribute to their university. And that's what they want to know. So what I teach students is that their superpower is their story and it's their unique core values and how they can effectively articulate them in standout, powerful college essays.
 
Dr. Cam (02:40.396)
Right? So now parents are going, okay, so how do I craft a great story for my teen? How do I make sure my teen has a great story? What do you say to that?
 
Dyllen Nellis (02:51.143)
The first thing they need to do is understand who they are. A lot of students will think, okay, what do I write my college essay about? Let me just pick the worst thing that's ever happened to me and write about that. Or the parents will force something onto them and be like, well, you did that one leadership thing that one time, right? So shouldn't you write about that? I guess. And then a lot of times there's this, like, this force in a way that you try to contrive a narrative that doesn't quite express who they really are. And so that's why I say don't don't just start writing the essay, you have to do all of this work that comes beforehand. And so that work is first really sitting down and reflecting, reflecting on who you are, what makes you unique why do you do the things that you do? I think that's the most important part. Like I will get on a call with a student and they'll tell me they're interested in a certain major. And I'm like, okay, that's awesome. Why? Why are you interested in that? And they freeze and they have no idea what to tell me. And then sometimes they'll answer with like experiences that they had or clubs that they were in or things that they did. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, I'm not asking you what you did. I'm asking you like something much deeper, like what is it about this thing that makes you so excited, that makes you intellectually curious? So those are the questions we have to start asking. And that takes a lot of reflection that I think students at that age are not used to. They're not thinking about what are my values as a person? What's my identity?
 
Dr. Cam (04:42.606)
They're trying to figure it out, they don't know yet.
 
Dyllen Nellis (04:45.873)
Exactly. And especially like, it's really cool once they start to understand this, because when they see the patterns of like, all of my experiences in my life actually line up in a way that made me the way I am today. And that's super cool. And I help them identify those patterns and what the values are that like connect all of their experiences together. And then those values become the themes or their college essay. So that's something that I don't think is talked about enough, or like rarely at all, is that college essay should have a theme. Like every single essay needs to have a different theme and that theme is whatever the core value is or whatever the main lesson or you know, how their mindset shifted, how they grew. That is what the essay needs to focus on. So not entirely about a certain challenge that they went through or a certain experience. It's more about what they learned from it because those values and skills that they gained are the things that they are going to contribute to the university. So then the university is like, oh, that's how you're going to make me look good.
 
Dr. Cam (05:58.85)
Right? I want to work backwards from this. So what you're saying is the essay and even the interviews, like my daughter has a lot of interviews, which I think is a similar thing, where they're asking her who she is, what she's passionate about, why she wants to go to that school. And the challenge that I'm seeing with a lot of the kids I work with is they don't know because a lot of them are going where they're supposed to be going and doing what they're doing because that's what they're told they should be doing. And that's what they, so they don't have an inner passion value, everything else. It's like the bottom line is cause my parents told me, right? So do you hear this? Do you see that answer?
 
Dyllen Nellis (06:31.146)
Yes, and that's honestly the hardest part, like especially if they're a senior in high school, that's when things get really hard because we're trying to like pull from nothing, or not nothing, but like there's not much there. And of course, when I work with a student, I can only work with what is actually inherently there because I care a lot about telling authentic stories. So I think this is a really good point to mention, especially for parents of students who are younger, you know, like younger in high school, freshmen, sophomore year, it's important that they're doing things that they actually care about and that lights them up. Because yeah, as we see later down the line, if they don't have that like inner motivation or passion, then it's really hard to craft stories. I actually have an anecdote of this quite recently I worked with a student, she booked a call with me and she presented me her essay and I was like, okay, cool. Let's look at it. But I could tell something was off about the essay. was about like a leadership experience. But for some reason, the story wasn't quite, it didn't seem real to me in a lot of ways. And it didn't seem like we didn't get to those deeper core values as I've been mentioning. So I started asking her about it and suddenly she starts breaking down and crying in front of me and she's like, you know, I don't know like this wasn't a good experience at all for me. Actually, I didn't learn much and my parents just told me that I should write about this and I don't know what I should do. And I was just like, my gosh, it made me so sad. Honestly, I will say I don't think that students in that case are like a lost cause.
We can revitalize it, we can fix it. And that's why it takes someone who can help them realize the amazing qualities that they do have, the amazing experiences that they have gone through. Because I don't think, you know, it's exclusive to people who've been high giving their whole life. Like, everybody has a story to tell, it just takes someone to help them realize that instead of forcing a narrative onto
 
Dr. Cam (08:58.658)
We have this belief that we want to force a narrative that makes them sound really good and really high achieving and everything else. And I'm hearing parents already going, okay, so you're telling me my kid needs to do what they're really passionate about. Well, great. They're passionate about playing on their games all day or scrolling TikTok. That's all they're passionate about. So what do I do with that?
 
Dyllen Nellis (09:27.657)
I think that's really interesting if like, instead of maybe shutting down those interests, get curious, get curious about them. So especially with the TikTok one, I'd be like, what kinds of videos are you watching on TikTok? Because I know me, I will get really interesting. I don't know, people get such neat interests on TikTok. And like I would just the other day, I was like learning about manifesting and quantum leaps or whatever and how that relates to quantum physics. Like that was coming up on my feed and I was like, that's so interesting. So I started going down a rabbit hole on that. So your kid might actually be interested in these very niche things that are coming up on their feeds. And I would get curious about that, know, ask them, have conversations, just to learn a little bit more about what's going on in their head? What are the topics that they're thinking about? What are the questions that they have in the world? I think that's a great one. Pursue the questions. What are you thinking of? What are you curious about? What problems do you care about? Our generation is a lot more interested in social issues and mental health. So lean into those things. Does your kid really care about that? All of those things can, you can find some rich insights from there.
 
Dr. Cam (10:58.124)
Right, and I'm gonna take this Dylan and just kind of re-word what I heard to make sure I got this right. I'm hearing rather than fighting with your teen going, you should not be doing this, which you love, because that's not gonna look good and that's a waste of your time. You should want to do this and be doing this because this is gonna look better and this looks like you're being more productive. But when we do that, we're now pushing kids into something that they don't want to be doing. So when they have to talk about it passionately and their interests and what they love, they're like, I don't, I had to do it. So we really want to lean in. And when we lean in and you're right, a lot of kids discover things through TikTok and through other, and I share this too, like my daughter's really into Broadway and she follows all these Broadway stars and gets them, watch them prepare behind the scenes, she knows what like seats, how many seats they sold and what they're doing. And I don't know any of them, like all then sales and all that. Like she knows all this information and all this detail about the business that she learned through TikTok. And it's building and building and that's where she's going for school. That's what she wants to focus on because she so loves it. Right? So I think that that is such a great inlet into what they love.
 
Dyllen Nellis (12:15.615)
Yeah, you nailed it. You nailed it at summarizing that. I also think like, this is not to say like, don't, you know, help them do things that are going to look good. I would just say do so in a way that is still nurturing their interests. You know, so if a kid is really interested in, I don't know, physics, for example, great. What kind of research opportunities can we get for that kid? Like what kind of summer programs exist?
Maybe they can start a physics club like, you know, help them learn the things that they are already interested in learning.
 
Dr. Cam (12:57.526)
Yeah, and I want to reiterate it's help not do.
 
Dyllen Nellis (13:02.389)
Yes, my gosh, yes.
 
Dr. Cam (13:05.637)
That's one of the things I know I'm working with a group of kids who are amazing and they're doing projects. And some of the projects you can tell the kids are doing and some of the projects you can tell are 100 % the parents. And you know, you know when it's the parents, because you're like, I'm sorry, there's no way, no matter how brilliant your kid is, that they're coming up with something that takes a college PhD to be able to do, right? What do you say to parents who are like, I want to make sure my teen is competitive and stands out, but I don't think on their own they are competitive and stand out that way.
 
Dyllen Nellis (13:47.967)
Ooh, okay. That's a good question. think, well, first understand that like growth is possible. We can, we can work on it. We can make them more competitive and more positioned to stand out in application season. So I would recommend if, they're earlier in high school, then it's a lot about extracurricular development. Things that really stand out are research, research opportunities. If you can work on your own research project, like independently led, that's awesome. Or work with a university and that takes a lot of like cold emailing usually. That looks awesome too. I know those things are also more challenging to acquire. Another thing I would highly recommend is a passion project as you kind of just mentioned, projects, right? Like projects are great and let your kid like tinker around and fail, you know, trial and error, play around, like explore their interests with projects and projects that especially relate to their interests. Number one, it's great if it can relate to their intended major because that helps them create a more cohesive application.
 
Dr. Cam (15:08.685)
Yeah.
 
Dyllen Nellis (15:13.043)
But projects that also solve problems. I know I mentioned earlier, like having questions, being curious. What are you curious about in the world? What are the problems that exist? What are the problems that you care about? And then create a project to try to solve it or work on it, you know? And so colleges want to see why not that you're not just that you are pursuing your intellectual interests, but that you're also trying to make an impact. Impact is so important to colleges and if you've been able to help your school community or your city or your entire country or internationally like those things look amazing and so just lean into how you can create positive change in the world because that's honestly what we need right now and universities are looking for students who are going to be change makers.
 
Dr. Cam (16:06.05)
Right. And it doesn't have to be big. Like, we don't have to go change the world. I think it's really little things. And as I said, the kids that I'm working with, it's the focus obviously is mental health. That's what my whole thing is. And they're going into their school or their community and doing a small, either a report or a cookie bake sale or something to bring awareness to mental health in their schools because that's something that they just, they want to do. Is that what you're talking about? Doing things like that?
 
Dyllen Nellis (16:37.589)
Yes, I think absolutely start small. Like don't, I know even get so overwhelmed and it will really freak you out. Like I'm speaking from experience, you know, when I was in high school, it's like, oh God, I have to create some like humongous thing. I don't know how to do any of that. Start small. You don't have to make an empire in one day. So it could start off with like making a club at your school. That works. I would recommend taking it further than bake sales though. just cause you want to make sure that this is something that creates real impact and can stand out. So, you know, whether that's like an educational program and then you're teaching in. Like I had a student who really leaned into robotics and she taught these classes in robotics to middle schoolers and she took it to farmers markets and displayed her robots and they had so many outreach efforts and she went to a conference and like chatted with all these other people to get signups for this other program that they put on. So as you can see there, she was able to help so many students in her community and at large. So yeah, as much as you can scale your impact, but you don't need to be at the finish line from the start, like starting small.
 
Dr. Cam (17:57.59)
Right. Now let me ask you Dylan, how involved should parents get into this? Because I think when kids are already, they're struggling with grades and parents are already very involved in trying to get their kids just to get good grades, right? And now they're going, okay, do I have to make sure I'm still on them about their grades? And now do I need to be on them about getting this passion project done?
 
Dyllen Nellis (18:22.547)
Yeah, I feel like also the language of on them feels so harsh.
 
Dr. Cam (18:27.448)
Thank you. Please address that. I would like for you to address that because I did that on purpose.
 
Dyllen Nellis (18:34.221)
well on them feels like you're hovering over them and like breathing on them, which doesn't feel good to the student and it doesn't make them want to like do the things that, I don't know. It makes them self-conscious also. Like I can, I can even just close my eyes and like step into that of like being with the student with the parent being like, you know, staring at me hovering over my whatever. So it doesn't feel good. It makes me feel like I can't make mistakes. It makes I'm literally just channeling right now. Like, what does this make me feel? It? Yeah, it makes me feel like I can't make mistakes. It makes me feel like I'm going to like for every decision that I have, I'm going to get faced with like a million, you know, have you thought about this? What about that? What about that? Like, well, here's the reality of that situation. So
 
Dr. Cam (19:11.788)
Good, I want you to be. That was my goal. I love it.
 
Dyllen Nellis (19:33.651)
For me, I feel like it would make it harder for me to dream big, honestly, because I feel like I'd be faced with a lot of backlash or objections before I even got started. But I need to just try things and fail at them in order to discover that for myself. Plus, like, those are where the experiences come, you know, like you get experience and then those experiences, guess what, can be the content for the college essay. Just saying.
 
Dr. Cam (20:01.102)
Correct. So even the failure makes a better essay when it's their authentic not succeeding at it, then succeeding at it, but their parents made them, did it for them, right? Okay. So the other thing now, how can parents best support their kids? First of all, if their kids are interested in doing this first, and then we're going to talk about if they're not. If their kids are like driven and they want to get into Stanford, they want to get into Yale, they want to look good, they want to do a passion project, how do we support them in that?
 
Dyllen Nellis (20:41.533)
Yeah, I think you should support your kid, first of all. I know we just said, don't be hovering over them, don't be on to them. But I think parents should absolutely still be part of the process. And it's wonderful when they are. I am grateful for the support that my parents gave me throughout high school. because my dad, for example, found Girls Who Code, that program, and showed it. Introduced that opportunity to me and I was like, yeah, I'm gonna apply to that and I did and it was awesome and I only knew about it because he had done some research online about that. So that's awesome. I would recommend just nurture their intellectual curiosity, lean into the things that they're already interested in and yeah, if you want to like look up opportunities online, find things that might interest them, that's great. And then you present them to your student.
 
And then if they want to do it, you can take that next step. Right, right, exactly. Yeah, and then I think another important thing is for parents to understand a little bit more about the college application process and how it works. And that's a big problem is that parents are giving all this advice or not even advice, but like telling kids to do things in a certain way because they think that they know how the college application process works when I don't know if it's entirely true. Like they might know some of the
 
Dr. Cam (22:12.174)
So what are some big, big misconceptions parents have?
 
Dyllen Nellis (22:16.19)
Well, that's like the story thing that I was mentioning, but like they understand that a college essay needs to have a good narrative. And yes, that's true, right? But that doesn't mean that you like fabricate certain parts of the narrative to make it sound like a narrative because when I read those essays, I've read thousands and thousands of college essays. If I read one of those, I will know in an instant like, this is not what actually happened. I need to talk to the student. Or maybe it did happen, but like not in that way, or they didn't actually think or feel those feelings that is written on the college essay. So I'll often talk to the kid and then find out what the truth was. And I'm like, my God, let's write about that. That's actually so much more interesting. I helped them outline a whole new essay that's still on the same topic. It's still telling essentially the same story, but now it's true. It's authentic and it rings and it sounds great. I have an example of when my dad, at one point, I was writing my college essay for the UCs, the University of California schools, and we needed a turning point. It was like I was having this in the essay. It's like I was experiencing this problem and I needed inspiration to like take action. And he recommended me, right?
 
And then I walked outside and stood underneath my big tree and the expansive like branches, the branches like inspire me to like expand my thinking. And I literally like wrote part of that in that essay. And now I look back and I'm like, this is the cheesiest thing I ever wrote. Thank God I didn't use that specific line in my essay to Stanford because I actually did use that same essay for Stanford, but I had to cut it down and I cut out that part and I made it better. But yeah, that's a great example of like, okay, if I read that, I would roll my eyes. I'm like, you did not stand under a tree and all of a sudden, like you decided to expand your thinking. What?
 
Dr. Cam (24:24.065)
Sounds very poetic. Not true. Yeah. So the messiness is good. We can have messiness.
 
Dyllen Nellis (24:43.047)
It depends. would recommend... I don't know. It's more about... I wouldn't say like having messiness.
 
Dr. Cam (24:51.798)
Not messiness in writing, but messiness in story. Like the story doesn't have to be a perfect story or can it be a messy situation.
 
Dyllen Nellis (25:01.269)
It doesn't have to be entirely linear and like, here's a bow tied around it like and then everything was solved. Everything was fixed. I think a lot of students think that they have to get there by the end of the essay. I'm like, just be real. What like, okay, if you're still experiencing whatever problem that was introduced in the beginning, you don't have to say, everything is solved. My life is perfect. But like, here's what I'm working on.
Here's the lessons that I'm learning. Here's how I have started to take action in my life or improve my life in certain ways. Great. Like if you're on that journey, you've taken steps, then that's great. Yeah. I would be careful with the word messy though. I feel like I want to be very...
 
Dr. Cam (25:48.29)
Okay, I appreciate that. What you said is what I was thinking of just like real, but yeah, I guess when my life is real, I think messy, but that's my life. So let me ask you this. If you have a kid and you're like, they're smart, I know they have what it takes to get into the school, but they're just not motivated to do this. What do you recommend parents do in those situations?
 
Dyllen Nellis (26:15.975)
if they're not motivated to about the college application process or.
 
Dr. Cam (26:21.432)
Well, just about like doing a passion project or doing something or like exploring that situation where it's gonna have this great story. Or I talk to kids too, or like, I'm just boring. I've had kids that I've worked with who are struggling, and I mean, in a mental health capacity, but this comes up because that's what's stressing them out, right? And they're like, I don't know what's right, I'm boring. Like there's nothing exciting, or I'm not motivated to do all this stuff.
 
So how do parents address that in your mind?
 
Dyllen Nellis (26:53.235)
Yeah. First of all, they're not boring. And I've had people tell me that too. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, you just haven't figured out what makes you unique yet. And let's figure that out. I can help you do that in an hour. Yeah. In terms of like motivating students, I think the most important thing is for them to understand why, why we want them to do this in the first place and what are the benefits of it. Right. Instead of just
 
Dr. Cam (27:01.42)
Yeah. It's fun to do that. 
 
Dyllen Nellis (27:22.163)
You have to do this because it looks good to colleges. It's okay. A passion project I think is so awesome. First of all, because you get to learn more about the thing that you're interested in. You got to feel a sense of purpose, which is huge. You're like getting to do something that matters and really investing your all into it. And this is something that is self led. You get to be the leader in this. Like it's not a school assignment you have creative freedom, that's awesome. You're going to learn so many things along the way. So many things like once again, through the trial and error and failures, like those things are going to help you develop skills and lessons in life that you're going to use for the rest of your life. They're going to benefit you in so many other ways beyond college applications. And then it'll look good to colleges for your extracurriculars list. And then also because you have all of these new experiences that are not conventional, right? Because this is a project that you started. Not every other kid is doing this. This gives you such great content for your college essays. You know, if you want to focus in one of your essays on this passion project, but more specifically what you went throug how your mindset changed and how you grew as a person. That's so awesome. So if a student understands that and sees like all of the opportunities that can come from pursuing a passion project like that, then I think they'll be more motivated to want to take action.
 
Dr. Cam (29:04.172)
And we can't make them motivated to do it. We can give them all that information and feed that, but if they're not motivated at all, what do you say to that?
 
Dyllen Nellis (29:20.469)
Oh, I think I know where you're trying to take me, but you can, you can... Oh, really? Okay. Well, here's what I think. If you're like, my kid needs to get into a top school in order to be successful in life, then that is not true. They do not have to go to Stanford. They do not have to go to Harvard, you know, like...
 
Dr. Cam (29:23.914)
I'm not going to take you anywhere. I'm just asking because I know there's a lot of kids that are not motivated at all.
 
Dyllen Nellis (29:49.841)
they can get really great education and be so successful in their lives no matter where they go to college. So not everyone has to achieve at the same level, you know, and if that's just not like met for your kid, then that's fine. That's literally totally fine. So they don't have to get into a top school. So you don't need to force that onto them. If you know your kid would do better at a different type of school, great.
 
You know, there's like so much great education out there. And, I, I honestly will say I've learned the most, not from college. I know I went to Stanford. I learned some great things there, but, you know, I started my entire business and company and like everything that I know about how to run a business. I learned online because I was just like, let me go on YouTube and, you know, here's another rabbit hole. And then I learned from online business owners. Like these are things that college couldn't really teach me.
 
Dr. Cam (30:52.588)
Yeah. And thank you for that. You kind of are right. That's kind of where I was trying to get you at. But I think the key is like listening to this. If you have a child or a teen who really personally themselves want to get into these schools and they really do or trying everything they can, this is a great piece of information that you can share with them. The story, the passion project, the essay are really core to differentiating themselves. If you have a kid that does not want to do this, even though you want them to do it, we can't force them and push them to do that. And that's okay. There's a lot of other ways that they can go about and find their path in life. Is that correct? Great. Okay. So I want to hear from you. How were your parents and what did your parents, because you're still so young,
 
Dyllen Nellis (31:41.737)
Yeah, absolutely.
 
Dr. Cam (31:50.55)
What did your parents do that you found were the most supportive and helped you the most when you were driven for your own success?
 
Dyllen Nellis (31:50.943)
My parents were great, first of all. I really appreciate all the things that they've done and how they helped me throughout my education. They never really, yeah, they didn't really force anything on me in high school. It's funny, I was just so high achieving and I put pressure on myself and that was just a me thing and I, yeah, it's kind of funny. But like I said, my dad found certain opportunities for me by searching online. I think he was proactive in understanding that you even, not had to, but it would look great if you did do a project, right? And so I didn't know that at all. And nobody at my school was talking about that. Like none of the kids were talking about that. Like nobody, no one was like.
No one was very understanding of the college application process at my high school. Like that wasn't the thing. And so he introduced those ideas to me. I said, just just being exposed to those ideas or knowing that that is something, right? Like then I was interested in taking those steps. And if I had an idea, we would work on it, we would discuss it, we would brainstorm it together that was wonderful and if there were any resources that my parents thought that I would benefit from or people who they knew then they could introduce me. So that's yeah that's like a great thing. And then on my essays my parents definitely looked at my essays and helped me edit them as I mentioned before I don't think that they're perfect but that's okay.
 
Dr. Cam (33:48.814)
You can take some of their suggestions and not take some of their suggestions.
 
Dyllen Nellis (33:54.011)
Yes. And I also understand that some students may not want to share their essays with their parents. I think that is totally fine too. Because sometimes students are writing about really personal things. Sometimes it is about the relationship with their parents. Yeah. So I am really grateful for how my parents helped me with that. So it's just like, yeah. And any way that they can support providing resource doing research themselves or like presenting ideas, talking with me about certain ideas, that's all helpful.
 
Dr. Cam (34:31.352)
Yeah, I love that part of it. It's fun to do the brainstorming and just kind of throwing ideas around and then watching them go, watching them take it and go. And that's it's so cool. So Dylan, how do people find you if they want your support in this?
 
Dyllen Nellis (34:47.793)
Yes, you can visit nextgenadmit.com. That's my website. It has everything, all of my programs, all my services, all of that. I'm actually open to working with private clients now for sophomores and juniors in high school. So if that's something you're interested in, then you can book a free call with me on my website as well. And I do want to offer everyone here my free masterclass. I have a full hour long master class where I talk about the top school admissions formula. That's what I call it. And so I'll break down like these very specific parts that it takes to get into a top school. And that's super valuable. You'll get a lot of insight from that. So you can visit nextgenadmit.com slash master class and register for free.
 
Dr. Cam (35:37.43)
Right. I have a feeling a lot of my listeners are going to be jumping over to that because I know we've got, we've got a lot of high achieving kids. So thank you so much, Dylan. What is the one thing that you want people to walk away with from this conversation?
 
Dyllen Nellis (35:54.047)
Ooh, it's that competitive colleges admit students who can effectively articulate their core values, their intellectual curiosity, and their potential to succeed at their institution. That's what these colleges want. And so don't force a fake narrative. You want to tell an authentic story. Because if you're not telling an authentic story, you're telling a cliche one.
 
Dr. Cam (36:19.362)
Yeah, I love that. That is so important. Dylan, thank you so much for jumping on. This was great. Very helpful. Very inspiring.
 
Dyllen Nellis (36:25.247)
Thank you.
 
ABOUT THE SHOWThe Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together.
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Navigating the IEP Maze: How to Advocate for Your Teen & Overcome School System Barriers

Is your teen struggling in school, but you’re hitting roadblocks trying to get them the support they need? The IEP (Individualized Education Program) process can be overwhelming—especially for minority parents facing additional challenges. In this episode, I sit down with Maria Davis-Pierre, a licensed mental health counselor, autism advocate, and founder of Autism in Black.
Maria shares her personal journey navigating the special education system for her neurodivergent children and exposes the hidden biases that often prevent Black and minority children from getting the right diagnosis and accommodations. She also provides practical strategies for parents to advocate effectively, empower their teens, and navigate the IEP process with confidence.
 
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
The biggest mistakes parents make when advocating for their child’s IEP—and how to avoid them
Why Black and minority children are often mislabeled as behavioral problems instead of receiving proper support
How to involve your teen in their IEP process and teach them self-advocacy skills
The hidden biases in school support systems that every parent should know about
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Know Your Rights – Understanding the IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) is crucial for effective advocacy.
Cultural Bias Exists – Many minority children are misdiagnosed or overlooked, making advocacy even more critical.
Empower Your Teen – Teens who participate in their own IEP process develop stronger self-advocacy skills for the future.
Leverage Their Strengths – Connecting accommodations to your teen’s interests can make learning more engaging.
Give Yourself Grace – The IEP process is challenging, but you are your child's best advocate.
 
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CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Maria Davis-Pierre
Website: autisminblack.org
Instagram: @autisminblack
 
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
Website: AskDrCam.com
Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
TikTok: @the.teen.translator
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
Facebook: @DrCamCaswell
 
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding.
 
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EPISODE CHAPTERS00:00 Navigating the IEP Process: A Personal Journey02:49 Cultural Responsivity in Autism Support05:52 Advocacy: The Unique Challenges for Minority Parents09:04 Understanding the Special Education Process12:00 Identifying Signs of Learning Difficulties in Teens14:58 Overcoming Stigma: Supporting Teens with IEPs17:52 Empowering Teens to Advocate for Themselves20:54 Leveraging Interests for Learning23:52 Finding Support and Resources26:53 The Importance of Grace in Parenting
 
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Dr. Cam (00:00)
As a mom who's been through the school IEP process dozens of times at least, I can tell you it's quite overwhelming. Whether it's figuring out the process, understanding what support is available, or just trying to advocate for your teen or help them advocate for themselves, it's a lot. That's why I'm so excited for today's episode. I'm joined by Maria Davis-Pierre, a licensed mental health counselor, autism advocate, and the founder of Autism in Black. Her work has been featured in Forbes, USA Today, PBS and more. Today she's gonna do, give us the insight we need to navigate IEPs with confidence. Welcome Maria.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (00:39)
Thank you for having me. I'm so excited.
 
Dr. Cam (00:42)
Me too. So especially as someone that's been through this process a lot, I know that is so challenging. But let's first start with you. Tell us a little bit about you and how you got into just autism and black, especially.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (00:57)
Sure. So our story starts with our oldest child, Malia, who is now 12, almost 13, my goodness. And it started when she was about 10 months. I started to see the signs of characteristics of autism in her. And I knew with my experience as a licensed therapist, I was like, we need to get you know, in front of this and my husband who is a internal medicine physician, first he was like, you know, keep that over there with your patients. Don't come over here and diagnose my kid. But we started the process, went to our pediatrician, went to early steps program, which you know, every state has just might not be called early steps. And then eventually went to the pediatric neurologist trying to get this diagnosis for her.
 
And it ended up with me actually boycotting in the pediatric neurologist office for a week because everybody was agreeing she was autistic, but nobody wanted to give her the official diagnosis because she was young. But we're all agreeing, we know it, we can't get certain services through insurance without this official diagnosis. And now you're saying wait a year and a half when we know she's still gonna be autistic. So boycotted in his office, he gave me the paperwork after a week of seeing him from the he came in to the time he left. And then, you know, started the service process. My colleagues start coming into our house and not understanding cultural responsivity, not understanding that you need to incorporate your client's culture into the work that you do. So it was, they were making it seem like we were resistant when in fact, they just weren't using interventions that were culturally responsive. And in talking to other individuals, we found that this was a norm, that we weren't the only ones experiencing this. So that's how we initially started Autism in Black. And now here we are, many years later with our podcast, our conference, our webinars and trainings. Now I have twins as well. have twins who are also neurodivergent and I got my own diagnosis.
 
Dr. Cam (02:49)
It's a family affair that you have turned into helping everyone else, which I love so much that you take your own story and your own pain and frustration and you help other people with it. And I know, I mean, I just talked to so many people that are so frustrated, not only with the system, but just as you were saying, the diagnoses and knowing what to do and finding people that they relate to and understand.
I'm curious too, let's just dig in a little bit. Like what do you see as some of the differences that we may not know? Because I know there's a lot of microaggressions, there's a lot of little things that people are just not aware of that people should be aware of.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (03:52)
One, when it comes to Black children in the school system, we are often not categorized as we should be, and we are deemed then a behavioral problem. So we are not even getting to the point to where we can get IUPs and 504s because it's not being seen as this child has a disability. It's more this child has behavior problems, they're bad, they're a bad seed type of thing biases that get in the way of thinking that black people can have disabilities, know, these children have disabilities that need supports in the school system. So that's one of the major factors as we see is that getting to the point to where we have the, can get the supports is a struggle.
 
Dr. Cam (04:46)
Yeah, I think this is such a big thing and I see this across many different cultures, right, where we just, we look at the behavior and we're very quick to make an assumption that there's something behavioral really destructive about them and not that there's a learning need, right, or not that there's neurodivergence and the system's not working for them. I mean, again, I've been through this with my daughter too and it's hard as a parent because you're like, is this just behavior that I should be dealing with or is this something different that they need support that they need? So when you're in that line, even as a parent, you're going, I'm not sure either. How do you know or how do you move forward with just that uncertainty?
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (05:16)
One, we have to advocate differently than the typical parent who isn't a minority, have to advocate completely different. That means we have to go above and beyond. Like me sitting in that office for a week, you know, to get the paperwork, you know, us constantly staying on the schools, making sure that, you're going through this process, reading the actual paperwork and looking for any of those kind of adjectives that describe our children in a manner that can then hurt them down the line, right? So we have to make sure that we are going above and beyond every step. For any parent in general dealing with special education process, you're advocating in a different manner. You're having to go in there. You add in intersectionality and it just makes that process much, harder. It makes the advocating much, much harder because oftentimes we're not understanding if it's racism or ableism that we're dealing with because they're so intertwined with us. So having to tease that back and know what point we're advocating from is also something that, you know, is a difficult process.
 
Dr. Cam (06:49)
So you're sitting there going, I'm not an expert, so I don't even know if they have a diagnosis, let alone what they need for it. But I'm also going up a system that's making it really hard for me to even figure that out. And even if I do have it, I'm still needing resistance. I mean, parents are just exhausted as it is, so they're like, probably a many give up their children struggle and the whole time through school. And then again, the schools often, I mean, it just becomes a cycle, right? So now this child is seen as misbehaving and they're treated as misbehaving. It's just this whole huge thing, self-esteem plummets. So we don't want this to happen. So what is the first step that we need to do when we're at that stage of, I think something needs to be done?
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (07:28)
That's what it is. I'm a big advocate for getting the medical diagnosis.
 
Dr. Cam (07:48)
Where do I go first?
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (07:57)
I think, you know, that can sometimes be an easier route because we can take that into the school and, you know, start that leverage from there. But I know that there so many costs associated and also the wait times and, you know, there's so much that we're going through when we're thinking about that medical diagnosis. So if that is not a route that you were able to do prior to starting with the school, then go the route we're supposed to with, hey, something's wrong. Hey, let me speak to the sped-ed director. That's what we call them here in Florida. Sometimes they're case managers in other states. Speaking with that person, starting the process, getting everything in writing. You're going to have to go over and over and over again sometimes. Sometimes you might have to go through the tiered system of how they go through the process to make sure your child needs the support. But whatever the way is for that school, that district, that county, start there and then continue it. Sometimes our children are categorized in that EBD category and not in the category that they should be and then you have to start your fight from that way. So you have to figure out first how do I first get them to understand that my child needs these supports and then see where they're going to go with the category and then that will change your trajectory of how you're going to advocate.
 
Dr. Cam (09:04)
We have to do a lot of pre-education before we even go in there because we need to know what to expect, what is our rights, what is available, and what the process is. So before we even start the process, we've got to research and understand the process. Now, what are some things that you recommend parents make sure they educate themselves on and be aware about, especially if they're concerned about microaggressions.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (09:52)
Mm-hmm one is IDEA I mean that's really kind of going to be your leverage for everything what I think is a disadvantage to everyone is the fact that Schools don't really know IDEA they have the culture of what's in the school that they go by but a lot of times It's not what's in the actual IDEA policies and the guidance and then when it comes to the black community, we're not even given the information of how the process works or should I get my child supports? Is this going to hinder my child? So there's so much that we don't know that that pre-education doesn't happen for us. It's after the fact of my child, the school has said my child has been identified or I'm thinking your child can be identified. So it's really kind of a disadvantage for our community because oftentimes we don't do the pre-education first because we don't know we should do the pre-education first, right? If you do have the opportunity, one, you are in a good place because now you know I can protect myself. Now I know that there is a set of laws that can guide how this process works. And in IDEA, parent is said more than any other team member. So that just shows how much of a pivotal point you are in the process. So making sure you know what is the rights for you, making sure you know what the rights is for your child, getting it in writing and constantly letting the school know, I know my rights. I know the rights for my child because that can make it easier for you.
 
Dr. Cam (11:31)
Now, when we're working with teenagers, there's a whole new many levels of complicated things that complicate the process. Because now we have the teens, when they're little, it's like, okay, this is what we need. This is what we need for our kid. And we're speaking for our kid. Now that we have a teenager, the first thing is we see that our teen is struggling in school and we don't know why. And a lot of times our assumption again is they're not making an effort. They don't care. They're being defunct. We put a lot of those labels on them first. Parents do, teachers do, right? Rather than going, what's going on? So let's first look at what are some signs that maybe we can look for? And I don't know if this is the right question for you, but what are some signs we can look for maybe that says, you know what, maybe we need to look if there's some learning difficulty here that's getting in their way.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (12:31)
No, I think that's the perfect question, especially from a mental health standpoint, because one of the biggest signs is change in behavior. If your child is having what is considered a sudden change in behavior, they are struggling when they weren't struggling before, right? Because middle school and up is a different ballgame for children. is, middle school is one of the hardest transitions for children because they're going from elementary where they're handheld through everything and then pushed into middle school and now you are independent. Okay, you do it type of thing, right? So that would be a big turning point for a lot of parents because then they see there's something going on here, right? My child has to be taking the lead on making sure they're getting their stuff done, right? They're the ones who have to make sure that they're transitioning from period to period just fine, right? You know, so we'll start to see a lot of those signs and then you're like, well, what's going on here? And at first, like you said, it can be, why are you not getting it done? What's really going on here? Why, you know, because teens, I'm on my phone, I'm on social media, I'm everything, right? So it's oftentimes like you just don't want to do it. But, you know, those sudden changes are also behavior as a form of communication. So also go beneath that iceberg of the tip of what you're seeing and discover is there something more there because that behavior is going to be the first red flag for you.
 
Dr. Cam (14:00)
I can't stress that and underscore that enough with a lot of the teens I'm working for. They're getting in trouble all the time. It's blamed on the phone and they're struggling just to focus or just to like understand. And so it doesn't help when there's more punishment and criticism and everything else. So it's stopping and going, okay, they're struggling. Let's figure this out. Now let's get to the next step, the stigma. I live in a very well-educated, high, you know, esteem place where, my gosh, everyone wants to be all straight AAP students and to say, my child actually needs extra support and an IEP. A lot of people have trouble with that and a lot of teens have trouble with that. So how do we overcome the stigma to get the help we need?
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (14:39)
One, very good question. And it's so difficult because when your teen is, you know, at that age, everything can be kind of embarrassing for them. And they're like, this is shame. I don't want people to think that I'm different. I don't want to be different, right? When we're adults, we understand that that was a moment in time. But for teens, it's like everything at that moment, right? I don't want to be different. I don't want this spotlight on me. I don't want people to see that I need accommodations and modifications.
 
And that can be a difficult thing because as a parent you're over here something needs to be done. I want to advocate. I want to do this. But when your teen is like, please mom don't don't right? It's not anything for you to be concerned about. I'm going to get it together. And they are taking on all of that added stress and pressures because middle school and above is so much pressure for these kids that it is to I'm like you're stressing these children out, right? So my thing is therapy can also help in that aspect of understanding that, hey, there's nothing wrong with me getting some support. There's nothing wrong with me getting accommodations that then can, one, take stress off of me, two, help me be on equal playing field with my peers. So it's one about changing that mindset for you and your child, and then going from there.
 
Dr. Cam (16:22)
There's this belief that we're either smart or not smart. And if we can't do it, we're not smart. But if you think about it, if you went to learn a new sport, of course, you're going to get a coach to help you do better. Of course, you're going to look at where your strengths are and where your weaknesses are. But in education, for some reason, we think if we can't figure it out on our own, that just means we're dumb or it's embarrassing to need somebody. So I think it is getting through that.
Now we've got the parents are on board and I know parents struggle with it too, because they don't sometimes want to admit, my child's not this straight A getting everything student, my child needs help. But now we're getting to the point where we see what is available and our teen is really, really resistant. Because of mostly because of what you just said.
How can parents address that resistance in a way that doesn't create more arguments and frustration? Because I see that a lot too.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (17:23)
One is open communication with your child. I think finding out an equal balance of where they can get the accommodations, but if they can be where it's not such a big spotlight, right? Where they can like, for instance, my daughter has a thing where she can have a certain signal that the teacher knows that she needs help. So the teacher doesn't have to come over and be like, do you need help with this? Do we need to do this A, B, and C? But she can give a signal to where then they know she needs help, right? So we're some of these things to where they're getting the assistance, but it's not such a big spotlight on that. And the team can feel secure in knowing that I know that when I need certain things that this is what I can do.
And nobody has to know my business because a lot of times that's what it is because we know bullying happens. We know teasing happens, right? And we don't want to feel like that outsider. So having that communication with your team, asking them what they need, because sometimes parents go into school and they're advocating, not knowing that that is not something that their team is going to work with, that that accommodation is not going to be something that they feel OK with. It doesn't work for them. So having that communication and involving them makes it a lot easier because now they feel like they've had input in their life, which they should.
 
Dr. Cam (18:46)
That is so key and so important. Your teen has to be involved. End of story. If we're doing this behind their back, just what you said, we don't necessarily know what they need and they feel like even less in control. I've always told people, my daughter's had an IEP before she could barely talk because she had speech difficulties. We've been in the system from the get-go. But she has been in our meetings advocating herself since she could talk. Like she was always there and now she does all of it. And I just go, do you want me there for support? I'm not going to say anything because you've got this. And she's so great at advocating for herself now. And it feels so empowered about it, but she's done it. So it's about her, not about what I need for her. It's about what she needs for her. And I think the other thing is normalizing it. That was another big thing that's always been a part of our conversations. It's not that she's dumb. It's not that she's struggling. It's that she needs different ways to learn that the school doesn't necessarily provide to everyone. So now she has these. So it's become empowering to her to be able to ask for these and have it, which is amazing.But I don't see that a lot. see a lot of kids feel like this is a sign of weakness.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (20:14)
Because in this, like you said, because it's not normalized, or it's normalized in our homes because it is normal for us, but in other homes to where the child doesn't have a disability, it's not normalized, right? So they don't understand that people are different, and then that makes it more difficult because, yes, in my house, this is normalized, but when I leave my house and others are talking about me, I'm seeing that, okay.
This is not, they don't understand that it's not normal, right? They don't understand that what their experience is, is not the norm, right? So they're thinking to me that I'm the different one, right? No.
That's where it comes to everybody really getting that education. There's when it comes to really understanding that schools should have accommodations weaved in to the system so that students, especially when it comes to students who don't get identified, and it can make it easier. It makes the whole school system easier for everybody, for the teachers, for the admins, for the students, because there are so many students who are not identified, especially as we're getting older because they're looking at more behavioral issues. So the conversations have to just go more than outside of homes where we're dealing with it. They need to be in homes where they're not dealing with it, where that is not their norm, you know. So it comes with that as well. I love that your daughter advocates for herself to their mom's a therapist right so they advocate in completely different ways because their parents have taught them completely different the way that my children advocate people know that their mom is a therapist that is just no like
 
Dr. Cam (21:46)
So is mine.  
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (22:02)
Your mom must be in this work. Yes, because of how they advocate, because of how I raise them. That's not the norm. The way that my children and your child is not the norm, but because their parents are in the field, it's the norm for them. So that's where the conversations have to go beyond these households.
 
Dr. Cam (22:07)
I want this conversation because I want everyone else to know, listen, this is extraordinarily empowering when your child has control and ability to advocate for themselves. And we've normalized the fact that there are going to be places that you're going to struggle. Everyone does. And I think this, we struggle in all kinds of different things in the world for some reason, because everyone has to go to school and everyone is compared to everyone at the exact same time based on age, that really magnifies differences and they're stuck in this place. So the comparisons are really huge when in everything else, the differences are just as vast, but we're not in a microcosm, right? We're not in this little Petri dish looking at every single person. So the people that particularly struggle in that one area,
Let's be real, it's one area of type of learning. Get stigmatized, right? And looked at, right? So the other thing, and I want to ask you how you do this too, is we focus on this is one way that you learn and that's not the best way that you learn. So we're going to find all the other ways that you are super strong in and all your other strengths that may not show up in school, but we're going to really magnify those in the rest of your life. And that builds her confidence.
 
Tell me about how you do that with your kids, because I know you do.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (23:52)
We do that by their interest really. So for example, my preteen almost teenager loves culinary. She wants to be a chef. She's in the culinary program at her middle school. That's she chose that middle school based on them having that culinary program. That's her thing. And we utilize her love for culinary to help with other things because when you're doing a recipe, there's math, there's reading, there's all of that. So when we're able to weave it into her interest, she can then apply it in other areas, right? Of course, she's dealing with fractions. She's dealing with having to be able to comprehend the recipe to know this comes first, this comes second, this comes third. So when you take it with their interest and weave it into there, it makes it fun for them, because they're like, I'm doing my interest, but they're also learning and you're getting both of the good things happening at once. So weaving it in with their interest, I find has been very easy for me to get the learning in, but also making sure that they're not bored, they're not tired, they're not feeling like I can't get this type of thing because they're invested in their interest.
 
Dr. Cam (25:06)
It's amazing that they will do things that they struggle with in school without any problem at all. Because my daughter is all theater, right? So she has to do reading comprehension in school and struggles with it, but she will go read an article and give me every little detail and memorize everything about it when it's about theater. She knows like the price, the cost. I don't even understand it all. Like she just knows everything about it. And I'm like, how'd you know that? Well, I read that whole thing, but you can't read this paragraph and say, no, that's boring.
 
It has nothing to do with comprehension, it has to do with that's boring.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (25:40)
Preferred, fast-spirited. And I'll tell you, I am a 41-year-old who is autistic and has ADHD. I have non-preferred and preferred things, and I will avoid something that I don't like to do, but something that I am heavily invested in. I will know every single, it will be done on time, get it in, anything else. The executive functioning skills start, and I have to learn, okay, I need to implement my coping skills, have to implement my accommodations, right? And for children who don't have fully formed brains, who don't have the emotional regulation of adults, we can't hold them to higher standards of, you gotta get this done. They don't want to, because it's not fun.
 
Dr. Cam (26:23)
Thank you for saying that, the higher standards, because I do, again, see this a lot where we lose our crap, but get upset when our kids do. And our kids have less ability to regulate their emotions than we do. We get upset when our kids don't get everything done right when we want them to get it done. But I mean, I've been tripping over my Christmas tree in the foyer for months now, because I don't feel like putting it away. If that had been my daughter's, I would have been really annoyed with her forever and ever because she hasn't put it away yet. So I think we do have to look at what standards are we setting for our kids and what priorities, right? Like our priorities are different from theirs. So when they're struggling at school and when they're struggling at different things, we need to take all this into account, right? They're doing their best. They really, really are.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (27:16)
They really are. Exactly. And weave those things into their IEPs. My son, he likes to stand to do his work. It's in his IEP that he can stand and do. If he's not bothering anybody, don't bother him, right? He has a spin disc. The things that he needs, weave it in there because then it makes it easier for them to be able to learn.
 
If they're constantly not regulated, not feeling comfortable, then they're not going to do it. But if you're weaving in those things that are going to help them, that they enjoy, it makes it easier for everybody involved.
 
Dr. Cam (28:02)
Yeah, and that's just in real life, you can do that. So it's just advocating so they can do that in school where they're learning how to do it. So Maria, tell us how can people find you, especially if they need to learn from you because you're going to help them navigate this, which is very complicated.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (28:06)
Yes, it is. Listen, it's complicated thing, but we try to make it enjoyable over here at Autism in Black. So you could go to our website, autisminblack.org, and it has everything. has how you can work with me, how you can get access to our conferences, podcasts, all of our social media handles. It has everything there. You just go to autisminblack.org and you can connect with me.
 
Dr. Cam (28:48)
I love it. Thank you so much. And what is one key takeaway that out of all this, which was a lot, what do you really want parents to remember from this?
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (28:55)
One is grace. Give yourself grace and give your kids grace. I think oftentimes society places these expectations that we feel we have to live by and it makes it so hard for us and our kids. And understanding that grace will help. I think it makes it less stressful for you and them.
 
Dr. Cam (29:03)
It's so important. It really is. We have a lot of shoulds that we live by and the shoulds need to be trashed because they they're pile on. So yeah, I love that. So give ourselves grace. Thank you, Maria, for joining us. We really appreciate it.
 
Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (29:25)
This was fun. Thank you for having me.
 
 
 
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